A Cautionary Tale for the Sissy's Tail

So... there i was... dreaming... trancing. i was tied and had promised myself no cummies. i was still touching though, light girly rubs, the occasional smack to the eggs, massaging my back pussy lips.

Watching videos of sissy love. Two delightfully fem crossdressers, softly kissing, holding each other. Playfully exploring each others soft feminized bodies was causing my sissy mind to think of my beautiful sister wife.

My sexy clown. My best friend. My beautiful Sistrix - Twinkles Greymyst.

She makes such a pretty dolly... doesn't she? ^^

My eyes closed, visions of times when she was on top of me, other moments when i was her Top, the love, the sex, the intimacy we share.... Fuck my clitty was standing tall, my fingers rubbing my hole vigorously, i could feel it wink in need.

Opening my eyes, i see it.... my friend the lotion bottle. *giggles* She and i have had lots of games before. She not the largest item to penetrate me, but the largest i take normally. Her stretch is something i need to workup to. This time, however, my sissy head was filled with such lust and need....

I was in such a sissy clowny mood. Tweaking my nipples, hearing them *HONK* inside my head, *giggles* as i teased my hole, dreaming of my sister's tongue. It certainly didn't help that  the lotion was such a cute and clowny fun style! An old xmas gift that came in a sampler, no one ever uses it, 'cept me of course! :P It has a candy smell, is lavender colored, with plenty of glitter mixed throughout. "Glittery Gumdrop' - How appropriate for a silly sissy like me! I knew my sis would approve. ^^

Tell me that's NOT the cutest lotion you've ever seen!

Yes, i was going to fill myself up with my sister's clowny penis. Now.... lemme stop right here and remind you... normally i have to workup to this bottle. It's easily 2+ inches across. I don't insert the cap end, because i'm worried about the edges... so it's always bottom side up. The flat surface makes it a bit difficult to insert, but once in... there's a nice slow burn as my hole opens for the plastic intruder. This time though... i was hot... i needed it... as there was little waiting.

Lube... i needed lube. The lotion itself? MMmmmm... idk..... would the glitter be rough on my sensitive insides? It's it safe to use internally? Spit! Spit works! I was emboldened by my recent use of my plug, simply gagging on the fully inserted plug down my throat, then imeadiately up my hole... but this wasn't the same. The bottle isn't tapered, throat  slime only really comes up from the gag.... regardless, i lubed the rounded rim as much as i could with my tongue, squatted, closed my eyes to imagine my circus wife behind me, holding my hips, as i guided her fat sissy stick up inside my cunt.

OMG... she hurt.... she was stretching so much! And it was sooooo hard to get her in! I had to push and wiggle, and almost rest my entire weight to get her inside. And when she did! OOOOOOOWWWWWWW!!!! The burn! It lasted MUCH longer than normal before i could even think about any motion.

Finally, my hole settled down. I could wiggle her a bit. There was almost no in and out. I realized (too late) that maybe the lotion as lube would have been a better idea. Never the less, i had a sissy job to finish. So with the images of being taken, of giving myself completely over to my Second Life Wife.... i rode her fat prick until i managed a wonderfully girly sissygasm.

After my heart stopped pounding, i examined and was very happy to see only long traces of drippy clear pre flowing from my sex, a quick taste confirmed no real cummies. I was still a good girl and was feeling quite sissy satified. :)

Time to remove the intruder. Damn... it was lodged tight. And not really moving due to the lack of lube. A push, a soft pull, relax.... a push and pull, push, pushPOP! She popped out loose as my insides felt as if they were falling out. A tender reach back with my fingers.... omg... my hole was completely turned out! Sissy pussy lips indeed!

I lubed my fingers and softly guided my lips back inside. It was not the first time i accidentally had a prolapse... but it has been a long time since. I thought i learned my lesson. Okay... a silent vow... no more butt fucking for at least a week. Let yourself HEAL you stupid cock starved sissy!

Later on... the real damaged had been discovered. I'll save you the gory pictures.... but just know this.... it's one thing to have swollen pussy lips, perverse and sexy even, under the right circumstances. It is an entirely other thing however, to have a busted o-ring. Owwwie.

So this sissy sits tender for a few days. Restocking on the creams and wipes was a humiliating, yet, fun experience. While at the drugstore, i decided that as long as the cashier was going to know i had butt trouble..... hehe... i was going to show off a tiny bit :P

A true sissy shopping trip!

Soo.... the moral of this story? It's been said again and again.... but lube hun, lube, and lube, then lube again!

*kisses!*

My First Anal Virginity

Once upon a time.....

My ex wife and i were swingers. We didn't call it that, but looking back, there's no denying it. We would frequently use the phone flirt lines that were so popular in the early nineties. They were normally free for women, so we would get the number she would leave the greeting message, and then we would suck and fondle each other as we spoke with guy after guy after guy, and occasionally a girl.

You see.... even though i was still in denial about being a sissy, she kinda knew it... perhaps it was the way i liked her to peg me with candles, or the ass-play that i didn't mind... idk. *giggles* She was quite the little repressed bi-sexual herself as well. While i'll prolly never know the truth (she was a g'damned dirty liar - but that's another rant for another day) when i met her, she had had a couple of mild lesbian experiences, but loads of fantasies - fantasies that i actively cultivated as we screwed each other like 20 year old rabbits tend to do. She was also fascinated with watching two men, as many girls are i guess, and she saw her chances to fulfill both our fantasies.

The phone lines were a good way to meet like minded individuals and arrange for casual meetings... the 'Craigslist' of its day. To my dismay (not really i guess, cause i went along...) the lines were dominated by guys (surprise!) but we found, many times, the guys had / knew of girls , or were just fronting for the ladies... and couples were always looking for other couples.

i guess, at that - at that time - i was prolly closer to hetero with bi leanings (for comparison, i would say today, i am gay with bi leanings, hehehe). So, i didn't mind the guys. i tended to be slicker with the ladies too, understanding them better. Many times, i was tasked with keeping the other guy to keep calm and relax, let the ladies get acquainted, wait for the right time. More than one idiot ruined the whole thing by being too eager. But once the action started, it would be girl on girl, boy on girl, swap partners, etc. Sometimes a guy would be adventurous and reach for my dick. Sometimes i would 'help' my wife by guiding his cock inside. If there was enough alcohol... eventually i'd be licking and tasting... sucking his dick... satisfying urges deep within that i still couldn't admit to myself, much less anyone else... but at that moment... i didn't care.. i would find myself lost in lust.....

~wheww~ excuse me.... *giggles and blushes*

So..... fast forward a bit. We were good at the game. We now had numerous regulars. A constant stream of girls wanting my wife, a few who would fuck me as well (wife loved watching me fuck... actively encouraged it and thoroughly enjoyed it). There were at least twice as many regular guys though, a a couple of couples. This whole deal went on for, idk, 3-4 years? All of the guys were at least somewhat bi, to varying degrees. That was key for her. One time we met a friend of a friend... who actively admitted he preferred guys, but didn't mind playing with girls too. And he brought a video camera.

This guy kinda intimidated me.. even though i was a bit heavier, hairier, and overall more manly than he. His openness about loving dick, his constant efforts to get me instead of my wife, idk why it scared me, but it did. Drink drink drink. Camera comes out.. not without many promises of total privacy... but it also was a turn on to think that he would play the video for our mutual fuck friends too. Smoke, Drink, Smoke, Drink...

Thankkies Jack :) You're a great friend!

So there i am. Missionary on top of my wife. Fucking away on the living room floor. The camera is on, recording every thrust and grind. Its a slow fuck, her legs around my hips, as i grind into her mons, kiss her face roughly, not moving very much. you see... guys tongue was working us over at the same time. I would feel him bury into my asshole, lick around my balls, then id see her smile and wiggle, he must have been giving her the same.... i remember her spreading my cheeks as he started on my hole exclusively.... fucker ate my ass for like 45 mins straight.... at least it seemed like that. It felt good, but strange. I was hung up on the fact that a guy was worshiping my ass. idk... i was young.... i didn't wanna stop... but at the same time... i wished he was a girl too....idk.

It wasn't until we stopped fucking, when i kneeled up, she kinda led me over to the sofa, pushing my shoulders onto the cushion, as he approached from behind that i realized.... he had been lubing me up!

i was mortified. i started to protest. He was calming and soothing, promising to go slow, to not hurt me, just try it, see if you like it. She was on my other side, stroking me, telling me how much she wanted to see it.. how hot it would make her, to do it for her, stop being a pussy..... and be a pussy.

Trembling, i went down. On my knees, face in the seat cushion, i expected the worst. Probably because of that, he had a bit of a difficult time getting in. It did hurt a little.... but not much. i know i exaggerated the fact, mainly to save my pride, but also to get him to back off before it hurt more. Before i knew it.... i was being rightly fucked.

Ummmm... not sure about this......

NNNNNN!!!!! More Lube!

Oh fuck... i.. uuuuhhhhhh... i.....never... knew.... oh yeshhhhhh!!!!

A man was inside my asshole, using it to get off in. He took my virginity, and was masturbating his load out with my virgin ass. omg. omg. omg. i heard myself moan like a sissy, embarrassing me further. Wife was right next to me, oooohing and ahhhing. She would stroke my dick a bit, but not enough. Stroking... in and out of my ass. Eventually, she got down and under me to suckle my limp dick. idk if she wanted a closer look at my subjugation, or if she was legitimately trying to please me, but at the time, my head wasn't accepting. i didn't know what i had, i didn't know what i was getting. God how i wish i could have that moment back....

Looking back... it was all about her desires....

Thats right you bitch! At least make me feel good too!

OMG...she's sucking me! I'm being fucked!

OMG! She's watchin me get breed! omg, my dickie is so small... i wish he would just cum and be done now!

And then..... he came. He came inside my cunt like a dirty rag. He didn't ask. He didn't use a condom (although... all of our playtime was condom free). He just used my hole. *BLUSH* it was sooooo embarrassing. He pulled out, she wanted to examine me... but i was having none of it. Running to the head, with my fingers over my hole... i sat and let his semen dribble from me. I was sooo humiliated. Of course, i didn't come out until i knew he was gone.

OMG i think he came in me!

A fucking MAN CAME INSIDE ME!

Get it out! Get it out!

Wot does this mean? Am i a faggot now? Am i truly gay forever? A: Yes.

Today.... i would have wiped then sucked out his last dribbles, and eaten his faggot fuck hole as i wanked all over myself in thankfulness for his attentions. The difference age makes...

That was my first time. i haven't been properly fucked in many years since....many years. While my dildo has loosened me... i feel like a virgin again in my mind? Do you think that's okay to say? Can i call myself a virgin again nows?

Panty-wearing princess - EXPOSED!

I mentioned recently that i had been discovered by my missus as a panty luver. Here are the details for anyone who loves to witness a humiliated sissy.....

I told you all about my recent dip into depression. During this time i did try to deny myself the joys of my secret sissy life. What an exercise in futility!   Sure enough... it wasn't too long before i swung the other way and became obsessive again.

I started to wear my panties obsessively everyday. In my home, under my boy clothes, out in public,  no shame, no second thoughts, i was satisfying my inner gurl no doubt . The thing is.... i would get more and more relaxed about the whole thing, i started to get forgetful, and making stupid mistakes.

Observant readers might remember that i have mentioned before how i would on occasion forget i was wearing them, and then, attempt to get into bed, or get changed for bed, in front of my missus. The only thing that would save me was the sudden realization that i have girly pink lace on my bum, and the fact that she wasn't really observant herself. Lots of quick excuses to go to the bathroom, and a quick change was the method for escaping these near misses.

More recently, i would be home, wearing, and forget to change my undies before missus came home from her workkie. Like a good sissy, i would always greet her shortly after her arrival home. During a quick hug, she started to grab at my bum (unussual for her) or occasionally my clitty. More often than not... i would at that moment realize i had forgotten to remove the panties, and i would think "Can she feel the lace, or the leg holes around my cheeks? Can she feel how my clit is trapped tight in the girly front panel?" This of course is followed by panic, a quick excuse to step away, and a quick change in private, lest she fully discover. You may recall, how i had been wondering if she secretly was offering me her girly shirts and tops and panties too that way she would leave them around our bedroom, on my side / furniture.

So, i focused on being smart(er) and would try to slip the panties off as soon as i heard her walking throught the front door. Sometimes, she would walk right up the stairs to see me, so i had to be quick. My method was such: i would slip one leg out of my pants, then the panties, pull my pants back on quick so as not to be caught 'with my pants down' (pun intended :P ) and then, safely, slip my panties down the other (clothed) leg in relative hidden safety. A couple of times..... i forgot to follow through with the last part (removing the stuffed fabric from my other leg - panties bunched around one thigh inside my pajama pants).

Can you see where this is going?

So, one day, a few weeks back at this point, i thought i heard her pull up out front. I slipped the panties down my leg, pulled my pants up, and went into the front bedroom (ours) to look out the windows - sure enough... her car was there. I went down to greet her like a good bf, and everything was fine - or so i thought.

She came upstairs eventually, entering the bedroom. Across the hall, in my office, i heard the bellow that made me grow cold and panic..... "WHO'S PANTIES ARE THESE!?!?!?! THEY ARE NOT MINE!"

*gulp*

I ran into the room, shutting the door quick as everyone else was home. She was holding a the pair of black bikinis with pink trim and silver hearts. They had been in a small pile on the bedroom floor, near the window i was spying from. They must have fallen down my leg to escape off my foot - because i FORGOT TO ACTUALLY REMOVE THEM FROM MY OTHER LEG! ((stupid ass!)) ((And just so you understand a bit better... i'm a partially paralyzed girl, so... i don't have the same skin sensations as all of you - it IS feasible that i could have no idea that fabric is sliding down my leg, tangling my foot, etc)) A quick debate in my head regarding my options.... i knew there was only one... come clean.

*giggles* Toe lover alert! Shamefully, i realize now i should have painted them for that photo session :P

"The-They're.... mine."

"WHAT? What do you mean?!" she asked through slitted, disbelieving eyes.

I explained.... they were my panties. I liked to wear girls panties. I used to try hers, but i didnt want to ruin them, so.... i thoughtfully went out and bought my own. (Trying to gain points for being considerate.)

Of course... she had lots and lots of questions. The first and foremost was.... Why? Do you want to be a girl?

The moment of truth.

I wish i could relate a story of how i came out, was honest and truthful, how i have begun my life as a fully realized cross dresser, with transgender leanings, but... i didn't. I am nothing if not a scared, frightened, cowardly sissy.

So, i lied.

Without trying to replicate the entire humiliating convo, the short story is this: i own panties and wear them because they make me feel good, warm and nice inside, they make me feel 'pretty', sexy, and... kinda girly. (All true of course.) No, i don't wanna be a  girl. (Lie.) No, i don't want to be with men. (Lie.) No, i'm not gay. (Lie.) No, i don't want to be like those 'man-ladies' she sees occasionally on TV. (Lie. Have i mentioned how prejudiced she is against gays? Like, not the extreme 'God hates...' kinda way, more like 'Ewww, i bet she likes girls', or 'Yuck, why does he have to flaunt it, put it in our faces', if she sees two men kissing or getting married or some such.)

So, i lied. Lots. (Yeah, i know - i've betrayed myself, my inner girl, and everybody like me that is dieing to come out - i feel guilty enough about it, so please don't shit on me because of it.)

And... she accepted it. She's confused, no doubt. I admitted to wearing / liking / wanting panties, but i denied EVERY logical reason, explanation, next step that she asked about. OMG - what a humiliating conversation. I stood there with my hands behind my back, head looking down, blushing hard as she quizzed me. I felt aroused and shamed and excited and relieved, and embarrassed and so much like a pitiful sissy.... it almost made the whole experience ... idk... exciting? Not in a fantasy way... more of like.... for a moment... i truly felt like a little girl, submissive to my missus, how i like to feel.... even if she is too clueless to realize, or capitalize on that.

Up side? She accepted my weirdness... and even agreed to wash them for me (as my boy does mine and his wash... so Dad's panties cant really go in my wash) so at least now they're cleaner than before when i had to sneak-hand-wash them in the shower. Now i can wear whenever i feel like. Although, she doesn't want me wearing them outside, for fear of being caught (like the 'car accident / clean undies scenario), of course... i still do.

Down side? She's really curious, and kinda, idk, accusatory? That's prolly not the correct word for what i mean. It's like, her tone of voice has some hidden accusation, some kind of condemnation behind her words. i still wear and have the same habits. It's still kinda shameful, so i don't flaunt it - old habits die hard. She will ask 'Why havent you worn you girly panties lately?' or ' Are you being girly today?' Yeah, it makes me feel uncomfortable. No more than answering tough questions from a Misstress in SL, but still... because its RL, and my missus... there's a certain amount of further humilaition.

Between my panty wearing.... and the recent changes in our sex life.... she HAS to know what i really am inside.

A dirty, kinky, cock loving, submissive, sissy slut!

Maybe, if i play stupid long enough, maybe she will think that i am in denial, and force me to accept and admit the truth. God i hope so... that would make life sooooo much easier.

Hmmm... Have lots to say....

UPDATE 09/16: Since none a y'all left me a single comment i'm not really feeling the story time tonight... so maybe in the future... 

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So.. Since this sissy is a bit tired, and unmotivated after a night of drinkin and parting... i'll leave the next posting up to you!

Tell me what you want to know about, highest tally by the end of the day wins!

1. My Wedding to my Clowny love! YAY! Bonus content: Post-Ceremony Coitus as well as pictures and circus reception fun!
2. My discussions about the nature vs nurture argument about being gay with my friend... the only RL person who knows about me..
3. Drunken cocksucking on my knees in the ABS late that night. (Bonus: Black Dick galore!)

Ok, those are the choices. I'd like to see some of your picks in the comments... perhaps an argument why you wanna know about that.... Follow-up tomorrow :)

True Sissy Confessions... Or... Overdue Training Update

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She Took my Cummies Away From me :(

IDK if ya'll have been payin attention or not, but at the top of the page you can see a counter keeping track of times between my cummies (both gurl and boi types). Mainly.... its a way of self-reinforcement of proper sissy behavior. i quickly discovered that when i had to update my boi cummies more than the sissygasms, that i felt like i was being bad. It became easier to enforce my self denial that way.

Well.... i had gotten up to ten days with no boi cummies.. and i have recently been abusing my pussy more and more in my lust frenzy. i knew (from past experiences) that soon i would be prime for either a large hands free spurt... or i would be able to have a real good cummie as i was playing online with my beautiful clowny fiance`. (Check out my SecondLife posts for more info). i made a promise to myself.. to nicolette... Clowny gets my load... or the VERY least (if i just couldn't wait), a proper sissy self-milking.

Enter the missus.

Hehe... keep reblogging this and lets keep this slut locked up!

Shawna the Bizarre Sissy: Chastity: As of right now I have 18 days of Chastity left.  But that number is ever evolving.  I have several different determining factors that cha...

My Sissy Snack Bag

i don't know where i saw the phrase first... was somewhere on my regular blog visits.... 'sissy snack bag'. i was enthralled by the idea.

Makes my mouth water... for real.

trying to come out is harder than it seems

An old post... from a few weeks ago... i had typed it, saved it... and... forgot about it.. maybe it was waiting for pictures.. idk.... at this point... idc

Posting it so there's somthin new on the front page.

Update at the bottom.
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"Do you want to be a girl?" She asked as She continued to stroke my firm clit in Her panties. i 'made' Her panty me earlier with the pair She had on. ("Theses are prettier than the ones the other day..." She declared as She held them open for me to step into.)

my arms around Her back, caressing Her bare bottom under the short nighty. "Mmhhmm" was all i could muster, my shame hidden with my face in Her neck. i decided to reply with action. i slipped the nighty over her arms and shoulders, and then quickly over me. Standing there in Her nighty and panties, hugging, Her hand on my VERY stiff clit, nakkie in my arms.....

"Do you want to be a girl?... for real?" She repeated.

"mhmmm" was the best i could do.

"dress me up and... fuck me?"

She smiled. "ok, is that what you want? i'll do that for you.... sometime...."

my sissy hips thrusting in Her hand, waves of sexiness washing over me, imagining Her nakkie form behind me, fucking me, as im dressed like the sissy i NEED to be. "i want to be your sissy bitch".

"you already are," She giggled, "but, you dont look good in my clothes. you're not girly. you have a mans body, you are an ugly girl.... your body... and all the hair... the wiry greys pokin out...."

i stopped myself from pointing out that i tried to broach the subject of removing my body hair a while back... and She shot me down quickly. "i know.... the hair is ugly...." is all i could whisper.

Dejected, we separated, i gave Her back Her nighty, i released Her, turned and went about my day and Her back to Her pursuits before my selfish interruption... but at least im still wearing Her panties.... three days out of four now.. and She has  known the entire time.

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Yeah well.... this is how it seems to go... she is welcoming and playful for a few days... then cold and distant for a few weeks. If i get caught during these.. cold.. times, then all hell breaks loose.. so i wear less... or... stress more. No sex lately (2 weeks?) at all...  Certainly no response that can be considered positive if i call her my Miss, or if i wanna act a little girly, effem... she acts as if shes repulsed.

Yay me.

... and now, reading back over and over... its really quite sad.

Fuck.

my sissy heart races as i read this...

This is an amazing short piece of erotica.... worthy of a quick read. i identify with the gurl in this story sooo much! This is my dream, this is my relationship with Mommy in SL... this is how i wish it could be all the time... please, while this may be fiction, it is how i feel.... so in the spirit of showing you all my inner girl... i present for your reading pleasure:


The Countess and the Contest

Big thankkies to Anna...

Want To 'Meat' Me? hehehe....

This is scary.

I may be in Denver (or there abouts) in August i think.

It occurs to be that this may be a good opportunity to get my hole(s) used. I will be alone. You wont have to be bothered by me afterwards. If things work.. it could be a fun time for all....

Sexy or Sexual?

"mmmmmm... where's Your panties from last night? Put them on me? hehehe"

"whaa?" She cocks Her head and looks to me. Spinning and out to the hallway, She returns with the small fabric in Her hands. "These are probably too small for you...."

"Put them on me." my sissy legs in the air, stiff clit full and standing proud.

She sniffed the cotton, then held them to my nose, the soft scent of Her clean pussy barely evident. Back and forth, She would sniff and find a small source of fragrance, then place them under my nostrils, poking my nose, letting me inhale. She knows my fetish for Her musk and She enjoys it with me. She asks, "Why do you like wearing my panties so much?"

"i dunno.... they make me feel sexy i guess."

There it is. A minor slip of the tongue that i didn't catch... but She sure did.

"Sexy?...or....Sexual?" She asked with an unsure look. i realized the difference between the two, and the implications of what i actually said.... debating my replies quickly... i choose one that kept the sexy door open.

"Ummmmmm.... both, i guess" i giggled as She began slipping the blue cotton bikini's up and over my bubble butt. My hard clit bulging and lewdly displayed in the front of the tight girly undies. My eggs pulled up tight as well, as a round bulge under the clit hose... "hurt me" i requested, displaying my pantied sack.

She pouted but complied, flicking one of my eggs hard, harder, She missed, and a softer hit. She stopped. Inflicting even some soreness is not Her thing, but i like a little bit of ache sometimes.

We went about our morning, She watched me prance around dressed only in Her used undies. She walked in on my having a morning pee... i was sitting like a good girl, which - for me is not sooo unusual, but this time, when She walked in... my knees were together, clitty tucked under, panties just pulled to the knees. i was posed and pissing like a good girl. And i let Her see. Even if She didnt make the connection... im sure, somewhere inside, She will begin to see me less as a man, and more as Her little girl.

After the pee, i tucked under, but not sever... but flatter nonetheless. I made the bed and prepared my things, while wearing with no standing clit. Like a girl. She didnt complain. In fact, She left... happy?

Sissy Status Update 6/12

~OR~ A Bit of CrossDreaming To Ease The sissy Inside.

So, an update of my sissy yearnings is due.

Having less time to dress and 'live' my SL as nicole has had me a bit depressed. i have pulled out a pair of my favorite panties and been wearing more often to get that... girly feeling. Missus has been working my pussy lots.. and thats nice.... but.. shame really, she doesnt understand that i need more... lots more.

Sent my Mommy this photo the other day... was thinking about her as i was dressing for work. Think She liked it? Would you like to get this in your email?

 

Where did i go? (or... what happened to nic?)

So my SL friends may be wondering where i am. Laying low... that's where.

Let me explain. Some of you know that i am closeted in RL. i am in a long term (supposed to be) monogamous relationship (i know, i know.... i feel bad about it already). The missus didn't really have any idea of who i am inside. i was too afraid to let her know.

A few weeks ago.... she almost caught me. Being in SL requires lots of typing... an entire world and many people to interact with only through text chat means lots of continuous typing. While my missus normally leaves me alone, and previous claims of 'im playing a game' satisfied her... it was the constant and continuous typing all day long that raised her suspicions.

i have been in sl for almost, just about, almost, a year now.She has requested many times to 'see' my 'game'. Since my avi is a sissy, and my profile is sissy-ish... and all my friends are sissies and want to fuck... well.... i couldn't exactly sit her down and show her the world in which i was living.

One night, she was fed up. - Tha'ts how she gets... if something bothers her, she my go for weeks, maybe months, without saying anything, but then.... at some point she'll blow up all of a sudden.

That's how it went that night.

Would YOU come 'out' to this person??

"WHAT are YOU typing in here?!? Let me see what you were doing RIGHT NOW!"

"SHOW ME!" Eventually she sat in my chair and started to poke around on my computer.... only her ignorance was saving me at that point.She was about to click on my minimized porn window..... my blog opened to a page of my own dick sucking stories! I quickly hit the power button on my system ---  but NOT before a quick flask of small shaved dick flashed onto the screen as programs immediately shut down.

"WHAT WAS THAT!?!? TURN THIS BACK ON RIGHT NOW!!!!!"

Starting it back up was safe... i only browse porn in a 'private' browser (no history). But now--- she was sitting and poking and clicking everything. I was fairly confident she would not stumble upon my downloaded porn and pic files... i had hidden them well.... that folder contains enough evidence of my sissy self hypnosis and pictures and stories to really ruin everything.

At some point... she found a fucking Windows 7 'Recently accessed files" search category. Hehe - seems her 'ignorance' helped her stumble into an area that i had never seen -- i don't use any of the built in searches, and has removed many of the references to them.... but she didn't know enough to NOT wander around the system into areas that there should be no user data -- in this example, ignorance worked FOR her. At any rate, as soon as i saw what she was doing... and i saw her scroll through the picks and files... i began to see images i had posted HERE!

At first there was nothing too bad... just pics of girls crying..... but then the AYA logo for BSDM sissies was in the list... and i knew i could let her scroll no longer ----- POWER DOWN AGAIN!

She was livid!

She now KNOWS i was hiding something.. i fessed up to porn --- i told her that i didn't want to show her because it was embarrassing. And before you thing that i should have just told her --- realize this whole time she is yelling, being mean, putting me down, and really NOT welcoming or making me feel safe or comfortable in being honest.

Since that fateful night..... I have been seriously hiding. No more SL -- at least not while ANYONE is home. No more dressing under my clothes. No more cockluv.

The WORST is the no more SL. i miss my family sooooo bad i miss my Mommy the Governess, i miss my clowny sister my fiance', i miss my clowny niece, my good friend Narigan, my sisters and all my friends. Nicolette feels like she is dieing inside.... i have no sissy friends... no body to make me feel like a girl... no one who can treat me as the submissive good girl i want to be sooo bad. i think of what must be going on at my home sim, and i begin to get really sad --- i miss all of you girls.

The good news? Well -- prollly NOT co-incidental, but.... the missus has been giving me a lot more sex... every few days at least... AND.. she has finally started to give me what i need. She calls me names (bitch boi, slut, pussy boy) and she fucks my pussy with a toy, but most often her fingers, as i jerk for her amusement. i ONLY cum from being penetrated now. Once, she even let me creampie her, then she mounted my face for a proper cleanup....

But she still attacks me every few days as well... she wont drop it... she wants to 'know what you're doing". And she still thinks i'm cheating every time i'm on the computer... even though i haven't done anything wrong for a couple of weeks now.

Dont think im all manly now though true believers --- this sissy keeps her dildoes close -- and i take a LOT more showers now.... hehehehehe.


Anyway --- if any of my friends in SL read this... please pass the link to any other friends who are wondering where i am. please? pretty please with my cherry on top?

My email still works friends --- this sissy would love to hear from you. I try to send email to my closest loved ones... but well, its rare that they reply. Nicole jumps for joy every time she sees an email from a friend of hers. Please.... it would be nice.

This sissy faggot misses all of you... please hug me tonight? whisper in your brain that everything will be ok. tell me that someday ill get to be the sissy i want to be... please?

Love You,
nico (Nickles) Greymyst
**kisses!**

Interactive Blogging

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my Home... and Safe Place... AYA

Once upon a time i was lost.

Discouraged, alone, beaten down by the cruelty of others... i was... ready to quit being a sissy.

Then, i found Love and acceptance. Funny how what is most needed can sometimes come at the lowest point. She comforted me, nurtured me, Love me. Then She took me to Little England

Big Grins for this sissy

So, i found out tonight that a very important person to me is checking my blog everyday.

OMG! Let me just tell you all how that feels...
1st: WOW! She is checkin my BLOG! OMG! OMG! WOW OH WOW!
2nd: AWWW SHEEETT! i havent updated in a long time! im wastin Her time.. She's gonna stop checkin it! OH NOES! im messin up! im not doin a good job! i gotta fix it i gotta do better!

hehe... such is the mind of a sissy sub

So... obligatory humiliating bad pictures of me exposing myself to the world anyone? giggles... hit the jump to witness my shame *smiles*

Coming out

Soooo..... the hardest thing ive had to do in a VERY long time...

look, over there - a wild sissy appears!

i did it, in Real Life, i came out to my best friend.