i think this is how i really feel... but i would very much appreciate any thoughts any of you have on the subject. As i am finding out, BDSM means different things to different people. But if there's one thing that seems to be consistent in the community is, most respect that others have different opinions, and the general feeling is... if it works for you then congratulations, have fun. So, with this openess in mind, i wish to share... and find out, do any of you agree with me? Does anyone disagree? why or why not?
i consider myself very inexperienced, only ever having two owners, and really, as time goes, mostly only one. i am always actively trying to learn and be a better sub, and learning comes through sharing and discussing. so please... help me and any who may be to shy to contribute, but curious enough to read... please help me and tell me... am i right? wrong? are my expectations too high? or not enough?
BDSM discussion email selection after the jump:
the relationship between a sub and her owner should be based in trust, love, and compassion. Both sides need to trust with their whole hearts, they are exposing themselves to a world of hurt, and they NEED to be able to trust that their partner will not betray them, will not abuse the trust that is given. They should love one another deeply, further protecting both of them, making sure that actions and reactions come from a place of safety and honesty and a sincere desire to not bring pain upon the partner. They need compassion. The sub should have compassion and feel the pain and stress of the owner, the job is difficult, and the sub should do everything they can to ease the owners difficult position of responsibility. The owner, obviously, needs to have compassion for the sub, an appreciation for what the sub gives to them, and a desire to not take advantage of the beautiful gift of service. Compassionate in the reactions to the subs faults, and recognition of the subs sorrow and desire to please the owner. Finally, the three elements need to re-enforced, and every opportunity. The owner should constantly show the sub love, reminding that the gift of service is not taken lightly and is recognized and appreciated by the owner. The owner should always be pushing the sub to open their hearts a bit more... trust a bit further, pushing limits, but not breaking them, conversing and sharing the inner thoughts and feeling of the sub, cuddling and reinforcing the bond between the two. The owner needs most of all to be compassionate. The sub gives everything, and requests very little, this sacrifice should be honored, not abused. The owner should never forget that the sub gives up their personal desires for the will of the owner, and the owner should have compassion on the sub, and give back as a way of showing an acknowledgement of that sacrifice. In the event the sub breaks a rule... especially a big rule... the owner should call upon these three elements and remember that the gift they have received can be easily taken away... and to tread lightly in the resulting punishment and discipline making sure that the sub continues to feel love and return trust that the owner still has compassion for their (the sub's) position.
trust begins with an honest discussion of expectations, limits, needs and desires of both parties
love begins with conversations, cuddling, a feeling of safety, and an exchange of emotions
compassion is the natural by-product of the two elements above. it should be nurtured and allowed to grow.
i am not saying that the sub should not be punished, or that the owner should not enforce rules... just that .... if these elements are in place, sad times become much easier for both parties, and the sub never feels anger or resentment to the owner, for it is the nature of being a sub to need direction, need rules and guidelines, and occasionally, prove how devoted that they are by stretching their limits... in a safe, loving, environment.