So... trying to deal...

Today has been a year.

I guess i'm not as obsessed as i was a year ago, it's not more than 2 days maximum before She crosses my thoughts again. Most times... it's daily. Almost everyday. I wonder.

Is She still there? Does She still watch me? Is She assisting me?

Was She real?

Recent new articles shining a bright light on the practice of online relationships being false... well... it makes you wonder. Personally, having a bit of experience now, think... its okay to maintain whatever image you want to present online, whatever face you desire and makes you feel good. As long as you are honest to those who you become close with. Casual interactions are one thing. I should not have to come 'out' to any guy i meet on the street. But when that person becomes close, and you begin to share... well.... that person deserves to know who you are.. who they are speaking with. Its only fair.

So i KNOW there are those that dont reveal the truth.

And i KNOW there are those that lie to those closest, if only to get out of a relationship. And they tell the most horrible hurtful of lies to achieve these ends. Read those articles about the ND footballer. That story only confirms and repeats what i've witnessed myself in SL.

However.. through all this.... no matter what i read and hear others say...

My heart tells me She was real. And i think there will always be a hole that She left when She left us.

i don't resent Her for leaving. i truly understand.  If i was in Her position... well.... i'm sure i would have made the same decisions. This hole in my soul that i feel for Her only serves to remind me what She gave me.

Acceptance. Not to feel shame. To be proud that i was a sissy. To be proud in my desire to serve and please. To not be a doormat, instead to be strong, to be and act in accordance with my desires. To take solace in my submissiveness, and to love the woman inside me.

She taught me things about myself i couldn't even see, and yet, i knew it was always there. She serviced my soul so much more than my pitiful little gestures of submissiveness.

I miss You so much Princess. I hope that You have found the peace that You deserve.
In My Heart, Always & Forever Your girl,
Nicolette Pennysworth

Hmmm... Have lots to say....

UPDATE 09/16: Since none a y'all left me a single comment i'm not really feeling the story time tonight... so maybe in the future... 

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So.. Since this sissy is a bit tired, and unmotivated after a night of drinkin and parting... i'll leave the next posting up to you!

Tell me what you want to know about, highest tally by the end of the day wins!

1. My Wedding to my Clowny love! YAY! Bonus content: Post-Ceremony Coitus as well as pictures and circus reception fun!
2. My discussions about the nature vs nurture argument about being gay with my friend... the only RL person who knows about me..
3. Drunken cocksucking on my knees in the ABS late that night. (Bonus: Black Dick galore!)

Ok, those are the choices. I'd like to see some of your picks in the comments... perhaps an argument why you wanna know about that.... Follow-up tomorrow :)

Not sure about this... feedback desired please

**UPDATE!!**
Just in case you dont know.. if i ask for feedback.... if i ask for your opinion.. PLEASE leave me a comment.. good OR bad... i am truly desirous of YOUR opinion... YES YOU!. Tell me what you think, i really want to know.It can only take just a moment of your time. A small thing to grant me, especially if you've even enjoyed any of my postings... now is the time to give back. PLEASE, just your opinion, thats all i ask.
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Ok, so recent RL developments leave this wanna be sissy very poor.

My sissy supplies include:
1 8" realistic Dildo
1 7" failing silky vibrator
4 pair of panties (2 of which dont fit, another are ripped)
1 bra (pretty but too small)
2 pair of totally torn and running thigh high stockings
1 pair of strappy heels

i am needing more, at least another couple of pair of panties, maybe a pretty sundress, and of course, im always looking for something to fill fill my pussy in new and unique ways.

Trouble is..... without a supportive home environment, or any funds to speak of... going out shopping for these items i desire is difficult at best, and life ruining at worst. my daily perusal of various sissy websites finds many girls receiving pretty things from admirers. Sooo... now i'm torn.

i want pretty things too. i dont wanna be one of 'those' girls who just blatantly begs for stuff... but then again... if someone wants to treat me... then maybe i should make it easy for them? What do you think? If i have a wishlist available... am i being a greedy bitch? i'm not requiring anyone to buy anything.... but if my RL friends wanted too, then i would expect them to need some kind of list of my desires as well.... idk.

Bottom line.. i dont wanna give the wrong impression, i'm NOT a meterialistic girl. Truthfully? i just like to be treated girly. When i dress i am filled with joy. When i play, i feel so much like a submissive good girl, it brings me so much joy on a level that has nothing to do with sex. When strangers call me a girl, or a pretty woman (in SL), omg, can i tell you how awesome it is?!? So.. maybe.. this would be a good way of receiving those feelings. To be a girl receiving gifts from others, encouraging my self transformation, assisting me with my self realization....  it need it soo bad.

i guess... for now.... i'll post my list in the side bar... and see what kind of feed back i get. Please, positive or negative, i want to hear what you think, take a moment and tell me please? Am i being a greedy whore? Or is this acceptable for those that may have the urge?

I am very concerned with how others view me, and giving the incorrect  impression, so please, just a word or two, please tell me.

Want To 'Meat' Me? hehehe....

This is scary.

I may be in Denver (or there abouts) in August i think.

It occurs to be that this may be a good opportunity to get my hole(s) used. I will be alone. You wont have to be bothered by me afterwards. If things work.. it could be a fun time for all....

Interactive Blogging

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i hate this

why do i feel compelled? why cant i stop?

WARNING: Real talk (The Ugly)

First off? i'm not into scat. Quite frankly, it makes me retch. Not condemning or passing judgement on ANYONE else, just saying, its not for me. That said...

i've been activly searching out and 'consuming' any sissy training or sub discussion group for the past eight months or more... i find lots of assistance with mental issues, thought processes (mind set), manerisms and actions, wardrobe, and of course, even body modification. What i can NEVER find is any help / discussion on the very real issues i imagine many new sissys have when they use their asshole as a pussy for the first few times.

Cum and get it big boy

So, in the interest of being the first one to speak up, i have some thoughts and questions on the subject. What follows is intended to be 'real' talk and i am very curious to know how others feel or what you do, i invite you to please comment and share...