A Cautionary Tale for the Sissy's Tail

So... there i was... dreaming... trancing. i was tied and had promised myself no cummies. i was still touching though, light girly rubs, the occasional smack to the eggs, massaging my back pussy lips.

Watching videos of sissy love. Two delightfully fem crossdressers, softly kissing, holding each other. Playfully exploring each others soft feminized bodies was causing my sissy mind to think of my beautiful sister wife.

My sexy clown. My best friend. My beautiful Sistrix - Twinkles Greymyst.

She makes such a pretty dolly... doesn't she? ^^

My eyes closed, visions of times when she was on top of me, other moments when i was her Top, the love, the sex, the intimacy we share.... Fuck my clitty was standing tall, my fingers rubbing my hole vigorously, i could feel it wink in need.

Opening my eyes, i see it.... my friend the lotion bottle. *giggles* She and i have had lots of games before. She not the largest item to penetrate me, but the largest i take normally. Her stretch is something i need to workup to. This time, however, my sissy head was filled with such lust and need....

I was in such a sissy clowny mood. Tweaking my nipples, hearing them *HONK* inside my head, *giggles* as i teased my hole, dreaming of my sister's tongue. It certainly didn't help that  the lotion was such a cute and clowny fun style! An old xmas gift that came in a sampler, no one ever uses it, 'cept me of course! :P It has a candy smell, is lavender colored, with plenty of glitter mixed throughout. "Glittery Gumdrop' - How appropriate for a silly sissy like me! I knew my sis would approve. ^^

Tell me that's NOT the cutest lotion you've ever seen!

Yes, i was going to fill myself up with my sister's clowny penis. Now.... lemme stop right here and remind you... normally i have to workup to this bottle. It's easily 2+ inches across. I don't insert the cap end, because i'm worried about the edges... so it's always bottom side up. The flat surface makes it a bit difficult to insert, but once in... there's a nice slow burn as my hole opens for the plastic intruder. This time though... i was hot... i needed it... as there was little waiting.

Lube... i needed lube. The lotion itself? MMmmmm... idk..... would the glitter be rough on my sensitive insides? It's it safe to use internally? Spit! Spit works! I was emboldened by my recent use of my plug, simply gagging on the fully inserted plug down my throat, then imeadiately up my hole... but this wasn't the same. The bottle isn't tapered, throat  slime only really comes up from the gag.... regardless, i lubed the rounded rim as much as i could with my tongue, squatted, closed my eyes to imagine my circus wife behind me, holding my hips, as i guided her fat sissy stick up inside my cunt.

OMG... she hurt.... she was stretching so much! And it was sooooo hard to get her in! I had to push and wiggle, and almost rest my entire weight to get her inside. And when she did! OOOOOOOWWWWWWW!!!! The burn! It lasted MUCH longer than normal before i could even think about any motion.

Finally, my hole settled down. I could wiggle her a bit. There was almost no in and out. I realized (too late) that maybe the lotion as lube would have been a better idea. Never the less, i had a sissy job to finish. So with the images of being taken, of giving myself completely over to my Second Life Wife.... i rode her fat prick until i managed a wonderfully girly sissygasm.

After my heart stopped pounding, i examined and was very happy to see only long traces of drippy clear pre flowing from my sex, a quick taste confirmed no real cummies. I was still a good girl and was feeling quite sissy satified. :)

Time to remove the intruder. Damn... it was lodged tight. And not really moving due to the lack of lube. A push, a soft pull, relax.... a push and pull, push, pushPOP! She popped out loose as my insides felt as if they were falling out. A tender reach back with my fingers.... omg... my hole was completely turned out! Sissy pussy lips indeed!

I lubed my fingers and softly guided my lips back inside. It was not the first time i accidentally had a prolapse... but it has been a long time since. I thought i learned my lesson. Okay... a silent vow... no more butt fucking for at least a week. Let yourself HEAL you stupid cock starved sissy!

Later on... the real damaged had been discovered. I'll save you the gory pictures.... but just know this.... it's one thing to have swollen pussy lips, perverse and sexy even, under the right circumstances. It is an entirely other thing however, to have a busted o-ring. Owwwie.

So this sissy sits tender for a few days. Restocking on the creams and wipes was a humiliating, yet, fun experience. While at the drugstore, i decided that as long as the cashier was going to know i had butt trouble..... hehe... i was going to show off a tiny bit :P

A true sissy shopping trip!

Soo.... the moral of this story? It's been said again and again.... but lube hun, lube, and lube, then lube again!

*kisses!*

So... trying to deal...

Today has been a year.

I guess i'm not as obsessed as i was a year ago, it's not more than 2 days maximum before She crosses my thoughts again. Most times... it's daily. Almost everyday. I wonder.

Is She still there? Does She still watch me? Is She assisting me?

Was She real?

Recent new articles shining a bright light on the practice of online relationships being false... well... it makes you wonder. Personally, having a bit of experience now, think... its okay to maintain whatever image you want to present online, whatever face you desire and makes you feel good. As long as you are honest to those who you become close with. Casual interactions are one thing. I should not have to come 'out' to any guy i meet on the street. But when that person becomes close, and you begin to share... well.... that person deserves to know who you are.. who they are speaking with. Its only fair.

So i KNOW there are those that dont reveal the truth.

And i KNOW there are those that lie to those closest, if only to get out of a relationship. And they tell the most horrible hurtful of lies to achieve these ends. Read those articles about the ND footballer. That story only confirms and repeats what i've witnessed myself in SL.

However.. through all this.... no matter what i read and hear others say...

My heart tells me She was real. And i think there will always be a hole that She left when She left us.

i don't resent Her for leaving. i truly understand.  If i was in Her position... well.... i'm sure i would have made the same decisions. This hole in my soul that i feel for Her only serves to remind me what She gave me.

Acceptance. Not to feel shame. To be proud that i was a sissy. To be proud in my desire to serve and please. To not be a doormat, instead to be strong, to be and act in accordance with my desires. To take solace in my submissiveness, and to love the woman inside me.

She taught me things about myself i couldn't even see, and yet, i knew it was always there. She serviced my soul so much more than my pitiful little gestures of submissiveness.

I miss You so much Princess. I hope that You have found the peace that You deserve.
In My Heart, Always & Forever Your girl,
Nicolette Pennysworth

Where have you been?!?

Questions & Answers

i have recently returned from the brink of being lost. This sissy was / is / may yet be in a 'bad place'. Do not be concerned, perhaps my tendency to use hyperbole is evident today.

Yes, i have been absent for a while. Not only from here, but from my Second Life as well. Sissy Slut Nicolette hasn't been feeling well.

But the question(s) i get so much upon return is... "why? Are you okay?" I know that this is merely an expression of concern, of love, and caring. My Friends, my family, my sisters.... they only care about me. They only want to help me in anyway they can - so... i understand. The problems is... How do i answer that?

Do i lie and leave all details vague, simply state that real life has kept me away? Do i blame my missus for being an overbearing monster (not the case btw). Do i tell the truth and burden my friends with worry and concern? DO i invite more discussion and attempts to reach out? idk.

idk how to handle it. So... i turn back to here.

OK, the truths? Ive been seriously depressed. Manic. Up and Down... well... certainly more down than up. Ive been hiding with my clowny wife, under the covers, watching lots and lots of TV, playing video games, and generally avoiding any kind of life - real or second or otherwise. I wait for those short, but daily moments when i can share some time and love with my sisterwife. Being around her is the only times i smile anymore, the only time i feel a bit comfortable. She has tried to bring me back out of this self imposed protective shell of withdrawal, but ive also taught her... that times like these... really... what i need is love and comfort and support - which she has brought to me in spades. i Love that Clown.

In Real Life? Missus is oblivious. She never sees any of the mental anguish i go through everyday. Not really surprising considering that she refused to acknowledge my daily physical sufferings, but - that's another posting.

She discovered my panty wearing. THAT was a stressful day(s). Again, that whole story is another posting, maybe if ppl wanna hear about it, let me know. Long story short - i was stupid and she found a pair of unknowingly discarded panties, and i had to fess up before she started in on me cheating. I explained that they were mine, that i liked to wear girls pantie, that i had a few of my own, after stealing some of hers. i told her i was not gay (lie) and that i didn't want a man (lie) and that it wasn't sexual (lie) and that it just made me feel pretty, kinda sexy, and overall 'good' inside. She was upset that i had been hiding it. She is still confused by it, and doesn't understand how i would like to wear pink lacy panties, but NOT really want to be a girl (i guess her confusion is understandable - because that is exactly what i want!). So, yeah - i am a no good liar... and prolly deserve any hardship that comes my way. At least now... well now my panties are clean, cause she lets me put them in her wash. Although... when i was forced o wash them in the shower, i never went without them. Now, once they enter her wash... it may be a couple of weeks before i see them again, and that sucks.

i rejected most of my sissy life for a while. i stopped wearing, stopped acting out... i even tried to stop fucking my hole.

Of course... that didn't last very long.

Now... when missus and i have sex... there is never any proper intercourse with penetration of penis inside of vagina. Now a days... maybe once every week or two... she will feel the urge.... and, well, eventually we end up with her fingers in my pussy as i wank like a fairy, calling out for her to fuck my pussy, fill me up, make me her bitch... till i cum all over. Then, i am expected to service her, like a good sissy, using my seed as finger lube on her clitty. She hasn't caught me scooping my cum into my mouth yet.

recently... i have been working my puckered hole over so much, so often, that there is little chance of me ever spurting again without something inside me. Missus even commented on how slack i was this very morning. Also... she noticed my pussy was wet too. That's right - this sissy is self lubricating, hehe.

Anyways... depression is a bitch. I can feel so UP and giggly and excited, only to have things turn around suddenly, bringing me low and sad and 'touchy'. Little things make the sadness wash over me. I willing was avoiding SL... and then i would see my sister logged in... and i would get so upset... so angry and confused and sad. Ive been crying almost daily. And im sure it doesn't help what time of year it is.

Yeah, forgot to mention.... since my mid teens - pretty much October through Easter... my mood isn't great. Depression is normal for me, always has been, but this time of year is the worst - for many different reasons.

Not the least of which? February. February is the time of my Missus' birthday (stressful cause i'm broke, shes really picky, and since shes exactly 10 yrs older - all of HER age 'crisis' are always  before, and overwhelms any anxiety i am allowed to have over my own age). February is the time of Valentine's Day (see above gift giving stress). February is the time of my own b-day (yeah, see above again - christ, just once i would like to get some sympathy for growing old). Finally.. and well, most importantly, February 25th. That's the day i last spoke with my Princess. That's the day we parted ways, in this world at least. Yeah, it still hurts - lots.

i miss Her so much. Everyday. i wonder if She sees my tears wherever She is? Is it bad to express that sometimes... sometimes.... i kinda wish, i hope that She was lieing to me? That whoever She is / was - that maybe that soul is still here, in this world with us, they maybe, the one who made me feel so true, that maybe that soul is doing okay. i hope so.

And even now, while trying to deal with the grief that never ever seems to go too far away, now... i have been trying to comprehend my situation with another Domme i am close to - with a Domme, i wish i was closer to. Is She going to leave me as well? If She does, will i be able to keep this overwhelming sadness hidden? i couldn't last time. i had to come out to my friend... mostly... cause i couldn't keep it in anymore. Am i a total asshole for only thinking about myself when a loved one is in such peril?

Yeah... no one wants to hear any of this. i know.

That's why i haven't been around.

That's why i have choosen to only snuggle in my clownie's arms, safe from the bad feelings, safe from the tears... at least, for a little while.

*hugs

Nico
XoXo

The Definition of Self-Abuse

Going to a wedding full of friends and family, the day after finding out your sister is engaged, the day after having your own engagement broken off.

fun.

my sissy heart races as i read this...

This is an amazing short piece of erotica.... worthy of a quick read. i identify with the gurl in this story sooo much! This is my dream, this is my relationship with Mommy in SL... this is how i wish it could be all the time... please, while this may be fiction, it is how i feel.... so in the spirit of showing you all my inner girl... i present for your reading pleasure:


The Countess and the Contest

Big thankkies to Anna...

Where did i go? (or... what happened to nic?)

So my SL friends may be wondering where i am. Laying low... that's where.

Let me explain. Some of you know that i am closeted in RL. i am in a long term (supposed to be) monogamous relationship (i know, i know.... i feel bad about it already). The missus didn't really have any idea of who i am inside. i was too afraid to let her know.

A few weeks ago.... she almost caught me. Being in SL requires lots of typing... an entire world and many people to interact with only through text chat means lots of continuous typing. While my missus normally leaves me alone, and previous claims of 'im playing a game' satisfied her... it was the constant and continuous typing all day long that raised her suspicions.

i have been in sl for almost, just about, almost, a year now.She has requested many times to 'see' my 'game'. Since my avi is a sissy, and my profile is sissy-ish... and all my friends are sissies and want to fuck... well.... i couldn't exactly sit her down and show her the world in which i was living.

One night, she was fed up. - Tha'ts how she gets... if something bothers her, she my go for weeks, maybe months, without saying anything, but then.... at some point she'll blow up all of a sudden.

That's how it went that night.

Would YOU come 'out' to this person??

"WHAT are YOU typing in here?!? Let me see what you were doing RIGHT NOW!"

"SHOW ME!" Eventually she sat in my chair and started to poke around on my computer.... only her ignorance was saving me at that point.She was about to click on my minimized porn window..... my blog opened to a page of my own dick sucking stories! I quickly hit the power button on my system ---  but NOT before a quick flask of small shaved dick flashed onto the screen as programs immediately shut down.

"WHAT WAS THAT!?!? TURN THIS BACK ON RIGHT NOW!!!!!"

Starting it back up was safe... i only browse porn in a 'private' browser (no history). But now--- she was sitting and poking and clicking everything. I was fairly confident she would not stumble upon my downloaded porn and pic files... i had hidden them well.... that folder contains enough evidence of my sissy self hypnosis and pictures and stories to really ruin everything.

At some point... she found a fucking Windows 7 'Recently accessed files" search category. Hehe - seems her 'ignorance' helped her stumble into an area that i had never seen -- i don't use any of the built in searches, and has removed many of the references to them.... but she didn't know enough to NOT wander around the system into areas that there should be no user data -- in this example, ignorance worked FOR her. At any rate, as soon as i saw what she was doing... and i saw her scroll through the picks and files... i began to see images i had posted HERE!

At first there was nothing too bad... just pics of girls crying..... but then the AYA logo for BSDM sissies was in the list... and i knew i could let her scroll no longer ----- POWER DOWN AGAIN!

She was livid!

She now KNOWS i was hiding something.. i fessed up to porn --- i told her that i didn't want to show her because it was embarrassing. And before you thing that i should have just told her --- realize this whole time she is yelling, being mean, putting me down, and really NOT welcoming or making me feel safe or comfortable in being honest.

Since that fateful night..... I have been seriously hiding. No more SL -- at least not while ANYONE is home. No more dressing under my clothes. No more cockluv.

The WORST is the no more SL. i miss my family sooooo bad i miss my Mommy the Governess, i miss my clowny sister my fiance', i miss my clowny niece, my good friend Narigan, my sisters and all my friends. Nicolette feels like she is dieing inside.... i have no sissy friends... no body to make me feel like a girl... no one who can treat me as the submissive good girl i want to be sooo bad. i think of what must be going on at my home sim, and i begin to get really sad --- i miss all of you girls.

The good news? Well -- prollly NOT co-incidental, but.... the missus has been giving me a lot more sex... every few days at least... AND.. she has finally started to give me what i need. She calls me names (bitch boi, slut, pussy boy) and she fucks my pussy with a toy, but most often her fingers, as i jerk for her amusement. i ONLY cum from being penetrated now. Once, she even let me creampie her, then she mounted my face for a proper cleanup....

But she still attacks me every few days as well... she wont drop it... she wants to 'know what you're doing". And she still thinks i'm cheating every time i'm on the computer... even though i haven't done anything wrong for a couple of weeks now.

Dont think im all manly now though true believers --- this sissy keeps her dildoes close -- and i take a LOT more showers now.... hehehehehe.


Anyway --- if any of my friends in SL read this... please pass the link to any other friends who are wondering where i am. please? pretty please with my cherry on top?

My email still works friends --- this sissy would love to hear from you. I try to send email to my closest loved ones... but well, its rare that they reply. Nicole jumps for joy every time she sees an email from a friend of hers. Please.... it would be nice.

This sissy faggot misses all of you... please hug me tonight? whisper in your brain that everything will be ok. tell me that someday ill get to be the sissy i want to be... please?

Love You,
nico (Nickles) Greymyst
**kisses!**

....and.. two hours later?

it's really amazing what a few moments of cuddle time with my Clown, and a few private words from my Mommy can do for me.

Can't say i'm 'up', but at least i dont feel like the world is closing in on me.

... and now.. i guess its back to real life... *sigh* i hate it there.

my Home... and Safe Place... AYA

Once upon a time i was lost.

Discouraged, alone, beaten down by the cruelty of others... i was... ready to quit being a sissy.

Then, i found Love and acceptance. Funny how what is most needed can sometimes come at the lowest point. She comforted me, nurtured me, Love me. Then She took me to Little England

i did it again..... hehehe

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Friends and family

We take a break from our regularly scheduled sissy ramblings and hypnosis to bring you this special report:

i am in Love... and i need to share it.... so without further ado... my girlfriend (and sister!) and her daughters (and my nieces! hehe)

me... our Mommy the Governess Talin Greymyst, and of course, my beautiful Twin Sister... Twinkles the Clown Greymyst

yes.. we're twins... its a long story (soon to be posted here!)

Her daughter and my sweet niece, Bubbles Livy Flowers

isnt she the cutest thing!

You may not be able to tell, but this is here at my house, wearing a latex maids outfit, her nekko ears and tail, her obligatory clowny makeup, and oh yeah... photo evidence... a dirty nasty ciggy hanging from her mouth... "i didnt tell her to do that sis!"

and the family portrait, including Lollipop Flowers... the youngest daughter

Bubbles, Lollipop, and Twinkles

awwww... i just wanna sprinkle them all on ice cream and eat them all up!

Finally... a nice evening at home...

These are the sweetest people! And such a loving family too! We spend night after night chatting or watching TV together, dancing and attending parties, even.. *whispers*... even getting lost in the tangle of space time(!) but dont let the Daleks know! Shhhhhhhhh!

Addiction spreads... be warned

The best thing to happen to my sissy persona has to be discovering certain blogs...

Annamalice, Felicia's, Desires of a Submissive Gurly Boi, as well as a few others...  really let me know that there are many, many others who have the same feelings i do.. the same internal struggle... panties or boxers?... Hmmmm.....

But i guess, the MOST influential blog has to be 'Second Life Sissy Fag'. Run by a wanna be faggot, Seven Jonstone... her blog was the one that introduced me to the wonderful place where i can be exactly whoever i needed to be. A place where i can 'live' as nicolette. A place where i could (and have) fully explore my sissy side, and eventually discover and love the joys of submission.

Second Life is an amazing place, where you can find others who are similar in desire, hang out with friends, who understand, support, and encourage you. It is a place where a faggot can be a faggot, a furry can live as furry, a sub can find a Mistress, and whatever, whoever you desire could be yours.

Yeah... that's her... and yes... she IS fucking a pig... hehe gotta love SL!

Thank You Seven.... you have affected this sissy for the positive, you have lead a lost gurl to paradise. SL has brought me wonder and love and friendship and acceptance.

Please check out her blog, wondrous discoveries await you!

 http://secondlifesissy.blogspot.com

i have a new fetish.....

Sexy Clownz R Sexy

H.O.T.

giggles

Cocksucking Clowny Slut!

Service me clown whore!

Dedicated to my beautiful twin



'Nuff said

Such a WHORE! (SL only discussion)

So... it's been a few more days... almost no crying at all now (i still get teary-eyes a few times a day, but i seem to be able to control it now...). Settling in at my new home. my family has been soooo AbFab! i mean.. never have you seen so many people try to sincerely help a stranger...  i mean, i might have said 'Hi' to them at one point in the past, but its obvious half of them dont remember me, and yet... they are still very tender with me.... i couldn't ever think this would be where i am right now.

Princess made the right choice... sending me to me new Mommy (She lets me call Her Mommy.. OMG, can i tell you how AWESOME that is!?!). i didn't really know Mommy at first, i mean, i KNEW Her... but not really... What a wonderful Woman.... i could go on and one...

But the point of this post.....

So.... my new home is a BDSM based location / group. And obviously.. there is some chat/sex going on (although... you would never know it by just observing, it's all very classy). AT first i was scared... thinking a visiting Master or Mistress would want to 'use' me.... but i guess i lucked out.. and other times... well, let's say i enjoy Mommies protection.... but it was scary....

Princess and i had an 'open' relationship.... but that really meant that i would service Her other slaves/ pets/ when She wasn't around. i could have fooled around, but i never wanted to.... without being told, i want to be monogamous (which of course, led to the only two times i was ever REALLY a bad girl for Her... i guess the green monster of jealousy is stronger than i thought). But.. the point is, i guess im a one-partner girl.. or maybe WAS.... idk

That being said.. before i met Princess... i WAS quite the slut.... really... even begging... giggles... i tried to be a stripper and was okay at that... and then tried to be an escort because i was fucking anything that moved anyway... problem was? i couldnt get paid for what i was giving away for free anyway.. giggles.. and i never said no....

So.. here i am today.... been monogamous for months.. recent widow... new home... new family.... and what do i do? i end up in bed with a lover.

i think Princess would have wanted it... i think She smiled on me at the moment.... but i still feel guilty, even today, almost a full day later... i really like my new friend... i wanna tell you all about her... but i haven't gotten permission.... (maybe she'll 'out' herself in the comments, giving me permission to discuss her and post tasteful pics, wouldnt that be sexy?!)

i might be rebounding... scratch that... i probably am... but idk... this is SL, relationships come and go like the tide for many ppl... maybe im being foolish falling in love over and over and over... but... maybe.... this will help me move on too? i mean... since i met her, i haven't had too much time to feel sad... its nice to have a good feeling too sometimes....

She makes my sissy heart race!

How do you know this feeling is Love?

It's the way She makes you feel, with a look, a gesture, a word, a touch. It's different for everyone i guess, but, like art and porn, you know it when you feel(see) it. For me...... my heart races, i feel a tiny bit dizzy and off balance, i feel obsessed and unable to focus on anything else, i can only dream of returning these wonderful feelings to Her. i am compelled to run... to jump all over Her (metaphorically). my only desire in life is to be Her good sissy, to make Her happy and pleased and satisfied, to make Her proud.

Do You know how difficult it is to NOT be self-destructive and abuse the privilege You have granted me? How hard it is to abstain and not be bothersome?

i Love Her

:D Grins!

my sweet Princess makes me the happiest sissy in the world! i Love Her!

The start of a beautiful relationship.

giggles.... this thigh burns for Her.....i apologize Princess... thank You Princess. :D

Sadness

sorry... i haven't posted in a few days... sorry.. been busy, and now when my world comes crumbling down, all i want to do is post again..... i guess i am an exhibitionist after all.

Some background.... 7/8 months ago i found sissy hypnosis videos. i started watching and attempting to self trance. i started to get more and more aroused at the thought of being taken... of being forced... to be the gurl i really was inside.. of course i didnt know that i was really a gurl, i just thought that occasionally i dreamed and desired cock... maybe play around with a girlfriend and wear her panties. Sure, maybe i liked the bottom position during sex.. but i was still a man, right?

Off of someone's blog i found a link to http://secondlifesissy.blogspot.com/ . i became fascinated with the stories of how she was living as a shemale and having wonderful open sex with all cummers. i decided maybe i should check out this 'Second Life'.

What an amazing experience. i highly recommend it if you desire to live as something you are not. i joined SL and quickly created my avatar.... nicolette. At first i was going to live as a woman, then i decided to be closer to who i am, a transgendered male to female. Of course this is not who i am in rl (real life) but it was at least a more accurate expression of how i felt inside.

nicolette:

Eventually.... i met Her. She tells me She is a TG from the UK. She has been living full time most of Her life, since late teens. She is Domme. W/we became friends, and quickly fell in love.

Princess:

At first i was scared to submit, i didnt want to be a 'slave'. She never forced me. She was willing to be with me even if i wasn't Her sub. i negotiated a poision for me that i felt comfortable with, i would be 'Hers' and submit, but i also wanted respect and love, and to be treated as an equal, in many ways.

Obviously, to anyone who knows, i was a total novice in BDSM relationships, and had no idea what to expect. She was very loving, and considerate. i became Her 'pet' (an esteemed lover / partner... greater than a slave, but still a sub). i was Her 'girl'. W/we were very happy together.

She proposed to me. i accepted, with the condition of a long engagement as W/we were still learning each other. She started a business, with me by Her side. W/we had houses and land, and W/we played and danced and raced and generally had a ball together. and.... the sex was amazing.

She quickly became my fantasy. She filled my head every morning noon and night. i would see Her in my mind as i was playing with myself, or having sex with my missus. In fact, soon, i was unable to achieve without thinking of Her.

The more W/we were together, the more sissy i became. i quickly wanted to fully give all of myself to Her. i wanted Her to see my gift of service as a sign of my love for Her. It was hard to walk the line of being Her sub pet AND being a normal girlfriend. i learned a lot about BDSM. About sub rights. About sissy frenzy. About all the emotions that subs struggle with.

Being a Domme is hard. A sub begins to rely on the Dom/me for everything. The sub gets all of their self worth from the Dom/me. Owning a sub has many responsibilities for the Dom/me. My Princess was very good. She was always looking out for me. She was VERY protective of me and my feelings. She gave me praise often (i was a good girl) and corrected me when i slipped up. She was always willing to bind me as needed if that was what i desired, public or private. She was loving, and careing, and considerate, and smart.

my Princess loved me.

Then, Her rl took a turn. Work started to need Her more. Taking Her away from me for days at a time. But when She would return W/we would have such wonderful times together and such amazing sex. W/we laughed and giggled, danced and hung out. W/we would visit other locations and She would show off Her obediant and loving pet. i would take great pride in being Her good girl to show off.

Alas... work got more and more demanding. She was on less and less. There were times (im not proud of) when it was hard for me, and i would send Her notes over and over, like a scorned girlfriend, begging for some attentions. i did get a bit better after another pointed out that i wasn't making things easy on Her with my behavior.

And now.....

She has ordered me to move on.... to not be Hers anymore. She is releasing me from my servitude. She is dumping me.

i dont really know why, i got a note from Her explaining how difficult this situation is for Her. i can't really say i understand as She did not give me too much detail. im not sure if Her difficulties are because of me, or Her work, or some combo of the two. She did not give any room to discuss it, just that 'She couldn't do it anymore' and that i was to 'move on from Her'.

in a couple of hours i will have been crying for 12 hours if you dont count sleep. i have tried to contact Her back, i left a note for Her with questions, but it is not unusual for Her to not reply to my notes... i dont know if i will ever understand....

today, last night... i am in a daze... i am so confused... i have been dumped by my Love with no understanding as to what i did wrong. i have no-one close to me who really understands.. well... maybe one, my SL 'sister' Ribbons.. but she is not on a lot... and i havent seen her in a few days either... idk... i feel so alone right now.

i know this is foolish, i mean, it was only and 'online' relationship. W/we never exchanged photos or emails... W/we shared rl only as a backdrop to O/our online availability. i had wanted more, but She kept me in check, She did not want to blur the lines of rl vs sl for Herself. Early on i had asked Her to respect my rl, and not to destroy it.... and now... all i wish is for Her to show up at my door to take me away to serve Her forever, for real.

but that will never happen. not now. not ever.

So i ask you.... am i a fool? is this sissy fairy faggot a stupid fucking idiot fool for falling in love with a game avatar who i never had any rl contact with? am i the most retarded imbicile for feeling so down, so sad, so depressed at losing an online love? W/we never touched, i never heard Her voice, i never saw Her for real... and yet... i feel like i am dieing inside....