Wonderings and Updates...

Wow. Been a long time.

Okay, STATUS CHANGE! *HONK *HONK! This sissy clownie slut girl is now a Live-In Subbie! Thats right! i have the absolute JOY of serving my Mistress DAILY! **YAAAAAAY**

That's right! Officially owned and in full service. Today i live as i desire. I've been full CD now for a month, gone totally hairless and applying my own makeup. Oh, did i mention the PINK HAIR?!?!! OMG! It Is SOOOOO AWESOME! hehehehe, i can't express how great i feel inside every time i look in the mirror!

Okay, so its not the best piccy i ever took... but you get the idea :P

And this is not just in-the-house type stuff... noooo... this is go-out-to-the-mall-holiday-shopping!

So no more closets. No more lies and denials. No more imagining. No more wishing. It's about doing. Being. Loving.

i have The. Best. Family! my sisters are amazing. i would have just died, if not for their care and support and patience. my Owner, well, how could there really be any words to describe. She leaves me breathless. i am the most loved girl in the world. ^^

So if anyone still visits and reads this stuff, drop a comment and maybe i'll tell some stories about my new life.

A Cautionary Tale for the Sissy's Tail

So... there i was... dreaming... trancing. i was tied and had promised myself no cummies. i was still touching though, light girly rubs, the occasional smack to the eggs, massaging my back pussy lips.

Watching videos of sissy love. Two delightfully fem crossdressers, softly kissing, holding each other. Playfully exploring each others soft feminized bodies was causing my sissy mind to think of my beautiful sister wife.

My sexy clown. My best friend. My beautiful Sistrix - Twinkles Greymyst.

She makes such a pretty dolly... doesn't she? ^^

My eyes closed, visions of times when she was on top of me, other moments when i was her Top, the love, the sex, the intimacy we share.... Fuck my clitty was standing tall, my fingers rubbing my hole vigorously, i could feel it wink in need.

Opening my eyes, i see it.... my friend the lotion bottle. *giggles* She and i have had lots of games before. She not the largest item to penetrate me, but the largest i take normally. Her stretch is something i need to workup to. This time, however, my sissy head was filled with such lust and need....

I was in such a sissy clowny mood. Tweaking my nipples, hearing them *HONK* inside my head, *giggles* as i teased my hole, dreaming of my sister's tongue. It certainly didn't help that  the lotion was such a cute and clowny fun style! An old xmas gift that came in a sampler, no one ever uses it, 'cept me of course! :P It has a candy smell, is lavender colored, with plenty of glitter mixed throughout. "Glittery Gumdrop' - How appropriate for a silly sissy like me! I knew my sis would approve. ^^

Tell me that's NOT the cutest lotion you've ever seen!

Yes, i was going to fill myself up with my sister's clowny penis. Now.... lemme stop right here and remind you... normally i have to workup to this bottle. It's easily 2+ inches across. I don't insert the cap end, because i'm worried about the edges... so it's always bottom side up. The flat surface makes it a bit difficult to insert, but once in... there's a nice slow burn as my hole opens for the plastic intruder. This time though... i was hot... i needed it... as there was little waiting.

Lube... i needed lube. The lotion itself? MMmmmm... idk..... would the glitter be rough on my sensitive insides? It's it safe to use internally? Spit! Spit works! I was emboldened by my recent use of my plug, simply gagging on the fully inserted plug down my throat, then imeadiately up my hole... but this wasn't the same. The bottle isn't tapered, throat  slime only really comes up from the gag.... regardless, i lubed the rounded rim as much as i could with my tongue, squatted, closed my eyes to imagine my circus wife behind me, holding my hips, as i guided her fat sissy stick up inside my cunt.

OMG... she hurt.... she was stretching so much! And it was sooooo hard to get her in! I had to push and wiggle, and almost rest my entire weight to get her inside. And when she did! OOOOOOOWWWWWWW!!!! The burn! It lasted MUCH longer than normal before i could even think about any motion.

Finally, my hole settled down. I could wiggle her a bit. There was almost no in and out. I realized (too late) that maybe the lotion as lube would have been a better idea. Never the less, i had a sissy job to finish. So with the images of being taken, of giving myself completely over to my Second Life Wife.... i rode her fat prick until i managed a wonderfully girly sissygasm.

After my heart stopped pounding, i examined and was very happy to see only long traces of drippy clear pre flowing from my sex, a quick taste confirmed no real cummies. I was still a good girl and was feeling quite sissy satified. :)

Time to remove the intruder. Damn... it was lodged tight. And not really moving due to the lack of lube. A push, a soft pull, relax.... a push and pull, push, pushPOP! She popped out loose as my insides felt as if they were falling out. A tender reach back with my fingers.... omg... my hole was completely turned out! Sissy pussy lips indeed!

I lubed my fingers and softly guided my lips back inside. It was not the first time i accidentally had a prolapse... but it has been a long time since. I thought i learned my lesson. Okay... a silent vow... no more butt fucking for at least a week. Let yourself HEAL you stupid cock starved sissy!

Later on... the real damaged had been discovered. I'll save you the gory pictures.... but just know this.... it's one thing to have swollen pussy lips, perverse and sexy even, under the right circumstances. It is an entirely other thing however, to have a busted o-ring. Owwwie.

So this sissy sits tender for a few days. Restocking on the creams and wipes was a humiliating, yet, fun experience. While at the drugstore, i decided that as long as the cashier was going to know i had butt trouble..... hehe... i was going to show off a tiny bit :P

A true sissy shopping trip!

Soo.... the moral of this story? It's been said again and again.... but lube hun, lube, and lube, then lube again!

*kisses!*

The Consequences of Anal Training

i lay on my back, legs in the air, the gusset of my lace fringed panties pulled aside. my eggs delightfully trapped in the cute cotton, while my chubby sissy stick poked out the top enough to rub and fondle. Her wet lips caressed my thigh as she licked my clean underside, lubing me for the main event.

A small tickle, a tiny bit of touch, barely perceptible."You're loose."

"MMmmmm...." was all i could reply. my sissy thoughts racing immediately to the constant pounding my rubber Daddy delivers to my needy pussy almost daily.

"Why are you so loose?" Some soft rubbing inside. She is humping my leg slightly, i can feel the warmth radiating from her sex.

"You make me hot *sexy smile*" The safest answer.

i hunch my hips and open my cheeks trying to feel a bit more of that amazing thumping inside my hole. It's not enough. Reaching around, i feel her index finger curled, she's only using her middle finger. A little proding and manipluating, and i get her first two digits inside.

"Mmmmmm" My pre flows over my crown, wetting and allowing my sissy fingers to rub it shamelessly. Opening my eyes, i watch her breasts heave and she humps and rubs her quim harder on me, her arm thrusting as she works my bitch hole.

i hump up and down, showing her my need to fuck. It's not enough. Another reach and i have three fingers opening my cunt nicely. That's it. That's the  magic.

Rubbing, rubbing my clitty. Eyes slitted. She's fucking me. Fucking my hole. i am muttering the most faggiest of utterances. "Fuck me. Fuck my Pussy. Oh, Fuck, Thats Right.. Fuck Me, Oh Fuck, Fuck My Puusssyyy!" i cum hard. Over and over. Six, seven hard loads. Not a spurt - that doesn't seem to happen anymore. It's more like a flow. A flooding overflowing the constraints of my piss hole. Flowing over my swollen head and over my squeezing fingers.

She keeps me penetrated as i come down. my sissy hips hunching up and down slightly, my hole still spasming less and less. With a steady pull, she empties my hole as she climbs over, rubbing her sex into the mess on my belly, quickly shrinking clitty and my poor abused panties.

Staying doggy style over me, her tits in my face, i service her digitally, the way she prefers - wishing the whole time i could lick her clean.

---- A short time later ---

"So..... why were you so fucking open?"

"i don't know.... i guess i needed it."

"Are you gonna wear your girly panties today?" <sneer>

"i dont know." i didn't.

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Last time i i removed my hair... well.. last few times.... i've been making the clean area larger and larger. What started as only shaving my clit and eggs, has progressed to the tops of my thighs to just bellow my bellybutton, with a sexy patch above my pricklette. Last time i even shaved a small ring around my nipples. As i am quite hairy, it is noticeable, however its a small ricng of clean area, so not hugely different.

i hope my strategy of slow but consistent limit stretching is working on her. So far... no blow ups. But then again, her history is to take take take then explode. i hope that doesn't happen. How long will this take?

My First Anal Virginity

Once upon a time.....

My ex wife and i were swingers. We didn't call it that, but looking back, there's no denying it. We would frequently use the phone flirt lines that were so popular in the early nineties. They were normally free for women, so we would get the number she would leave the greeting message, and then we would suck and fondle each other as we spoke with guy after guy after guy, and occasionally a girl.

You see.... even though i was still in denial about being a sissy, she kinda knew it... perhaps it was the way i liked her to peg me with candles, or the ass-play that i didn't mind... idk. *giggles* She was quite the little repressed bi-sexual herself as well. While i'll prolly never know the truth (she was a g'damned dirty liar - but that's another rant for another day) when i met her, she had had a couple of mild lesbian experiences, but loads of fantasies - fantasies that i actively cultivated as we screwed each other like 20 year old rabbits tend to do. She was also fascinated with watching two men, as many girls are i guess, and she saw her chances to fulfill both our fantasies.

The phone lines were a good way to meet like minded individuals and arrange for casual meetings... the 'Craigslist' of its day. To my dismay (not really i guess, cause i went along...) the lines were dominated by guys (surprise!) but we found, many times, the guys had / knew of girls , or were just fronting for the ladies... and couples were always looking for other couples.

i guess, at that - at that time - i was prolly closer to hetero with bi leanings (for comparison, i would say today, i am gay with bi leanings, hehehe). So, i didn't mind the guys. i tended to be slicker with the ladies too, understanding them better. Many times, i was tasked with keeping the other guy to keep calm and relax, let the ladies get acquainted, wait for the right time. More than one idiot ruined the whole thing by being too eager. But once the action started, it would be girl on girl, boy on girl, swap partners, etc. Sometimes a guy would be adventurous and reach for my dick. Sometimes i would 'help' my wife by guiding his cock inside. If there was enough alcohol... eventually i'd be licking and tasting... sucking his dick... satisfying urges deep within that i still couldn't admit to myself, much less anyone else... but at that moment... i didn't care.. i would find myself lost in lust.....

~wheww~ excuse me.... *giggles and blushes*

So..... fast forward a bit. We were good at the game. We now had numerous regulars. A constant stream of girls wanting my wife, a few who would fuck me as well (wife loved watching me fuck... actively encouraged it and thoroughly enjoyed it). There were at least twice as many regular guys though, a a couple of couples. This whole deal went on for, idk, 3-4 years? All of the guys were at least somewhat bi, to varying degrees. That was key for her. One time we met a friend of a friend... who actively admitted he preferred guys, but didn't mind playing with girls too. And he brought a video camera.

This guy kinda intimidated me.. even though i was a bit heavier, hairier, and overall more manly than he. His openness about loving dick, his constant efforts to get me instead of my wife, idk why it scared me, but it did. Drink drink drink. Camera comes out.. not without many promises of total privacy... but it also was a turn on to think that he would play the video for our mutual fuck friends too. Smoke, Drink, Smoke, Drink...

Thankkies Jack :) You're a great friend!

So there i am. Missionary on top of my wife. Fucking away on the living room floor. The camera is on, recording every thrust and grind. Its a slow fuck, her legs around my hips, as i grind into her mons, kiss her face roughly, not moving very much. you see... guys tongue was working us over at the same time. I would feel him bury into my asshole, lick around my balls, then id see her smile and wiggle, he must have been giving her the same.... i remember her spreading my cheeks as he started on my hole exclusively.... fucker ate my ass for like 45 mins straight.... at least it seemed like that. It felt good, but strange. I was hung up on the fact that a guy was worshiping my ass. idk... i was young.... i didn't wanna stop... but at the same time... i wished he was a girl too....idk.

It wasn't until we stopped fucking, when i kneeled up, she kinda led me over to the sofa, pushing my shoulders onto the cushion, as he approached from behind that i realized.... he had been lubing me up!

i was mortified. i started to protest. He was calming and soothing, promising to go slow, to not hurt me, just try it, see if you like it. She was on my other side, stroking me, telling me how much she wanted to see it.. how hot it would make her, to do it for her, stop being a pussy..... and be a pussy.

Trembling, i went down. On my knees, face in the seat cushion, i expected the worst. Probably because of that, he had a bit of a difficult time getting in. It did hurt a little.... but not much. i know i exaggerated the fact, mainly to save my pride, but also to get him to back off before it hurt more. Before i knew it.... i was being rightly fucked.

Ummmm... not sure about this......

NNNNNN!!!!! More Lube!

Oh fuck... i.. uuuuhhhhhh... i.....never... knew.... oh yeshhhhhh!!!!

A man was inside my asshole, using it to get off in. He took my virginity, and was masturbating his load out with my virgin ass. omg. omg. omg. i heard myself moan like a sissy, embarrassing me further. Wife was right next to me, oooohing and ahhhing. She would stroke my dick a bit, but not enough. Stroking... in and out of my ass. Eventually, she got down and under me to suckle my limp dick. idk if she wanted a closer look at my subjugation, or if she was legitimately trying to please me, but at the time, my head wasn't accepting. i didn't know what i had, i didn't know what i was getting. God how i wish i could have that moment back....

Looking back... it was all about her desires....

Thats right you bitch! At least make me feel good too!

OMG...she's sucking me! I'm being fucked!

OMG! She's watchin me get breed! omg, my dickie is so small... i wish he would just cum and be done now!

And then..... he came. He came inside my cunt like a dirty rag. He didn't ask. He didn't use a condom (although... all of our playtime was condom free). He just used my hole. *BLUSH* it was sooooo embarrassing. He pulled out, she wanted to examine me... but i was having none of it. Running to the head, with my fingers over my hole... i sat and let his semen dribble from me. I was sooo humiliated. Of course, i didn't come out until i knew he was gone.

OMG i think he came in me!

A fucking MAN CAME INSIDE ME!

Get it out! Get it out!

Wot does this mean? Am i a faggot now? Am i truly gay forever? A: Yes.

Today.... i would have wiped then sucked out his last dribbles, and eaten his faggot fuck hole as i wanked all over myself in thankfulness for his attentions. The difference age makes...

That was my first time. i haven't been properly fucked in many years since....many years. While my dildo has loosened me... i feel like a virgin again in my mind? Do you think that's okay to say? Can i call myself a virgin again nows?

Panty-wearing princess - EXPOSED!

I mentioned recently that i had been discovered by my missus as a panty luver. Here are the details for anyone who loves to witness a humiliated sissy.....

I told you all about my recent dip into depression. During this time i did try to deny myself the joys of my secret sissy life. What an exercise in futility!   Sure enough... it wasn't too long before i swung the other way and became obsessive again.

I started to wear my panties obsessively everyday. In my home, under my boy clothes, out in public,  no shame, no second thoughts, i was satisfying my inner gurl no doubt . The thing is.... i would get more and more relaxed about the whole thing, i started to get forgetful, and making stupid mistakes.

Observant readers might remember that i have mentioned before how i would on occasion forget i was wearing them, and then, attempt to get into bed, or get changed for bed, in front of my missus. The only thing that would save me was the sudden realization that i have girly pink lace on my bum, and the fact that she wasn't really observant herself. Lots of quick excuses to go to the bathroom, and a quick change was the method for escaping these near misses.

More recently, i would be home, wearing, and forget to change my undies before missus came home from her workkie. Like a good sissy, i would always greet her shortly after her arrival home. During a quick hug, she started to grab at my bum (unussual for her) or occasionally my clitty. More often than not... i would at that moment realize i had forgotten to remove the panties, and i would think "Can she feel the lace, or the leg holes around my cheeks? Can she feel how my clit is trapped tight in the girly front panel?" This of course is followed by panic, a quick excuse to step away, and a quick change in private, lest she fully discover. You may recall, how i had been wondering if she secretly was offering me her girly shirts and tops and panties too that way she would leave them around our bedroom, on my side / furniture.

So, i focused on being smart(er) and would try to slip the panties off as soon as i heard her walking throught the front door. Sometimes, she would walk right up the stairs to see me, so i had to be quick. My method was such: i would slip one leg out of my pants, then the panties, pull my pants back on quick so as not to be caught 'with my pants down' (pun intended :P ) and then, safely, slip my panties down the other (clothed) leg in relative hidden safety. A couple of times..... i forgot to follow through with the last part (removing the stuffed fabric from my other leg - panties bunched around one thigh inside my pajama pants).

Can you see where this is going?

So, one day, a few weeks back at this point, i thought i heard her pull up out front. I slipped the panties down my leg, pulled my pants up, and went into the front bedroom (ours) to look out the windows - sure enough... her car was there. I went down to greet her like a good bf, and everything was fine - or so i thought.

She came upstairs eventually, entering the bedroom. Across the hall, in my office, i heard the bellow that made me grow cold and panic..... "WHO'S PANTIES ARE THESE!?!?!?! THEY ARE NOT MINE!"

*gulp*

I ran into the room, shutting the door quick as everyone else was home. She was holding a the pair of black bikinis with pink trim and silver hearts. They had been in a small pile on the bedroom floor, near the window i was spying from. They must have fallen down my leg to escape off my foot - because i FORGOT TO ACTUALLY REMOVE THEM FROM MY OTHER LEG! ((stupid ass!)) ((And just so you understand a bit better... i'm a partially paralyzed girl, so... i don't have the same skin sensations as all of you - it IS feasible that i could have no idea that fabric is sliding down my leg, tangling my foot, etc)) A quick debate in my head regarding my options.... i knew there was only one... come clean.

*giggles* Toe lover alert! Shamefully, i realize now i should have painted them for that photo session :P

"The-They're.... mine."

"WHAT? What do you mean?!" she asked through slitted, disbelieving eyes.

I explained.... they were my panties. I liked to wear girls panties. I used to try hers, but i didnt want to ruin them, so.... i thoughtfully went out and bought my own. (Trying to gain points for being considerate.)

Of course... she had lots and lots of questions. The first and foremost was.... Why? Do you want to be a girl?

The moment of truth.

I wish i could relate a story of how i came out, was honest and truthful, how i have begun my life as a fully realized cross dresser, with transgender leanings, but... i didn't. I am nothing if not a scared, frightened, cowardly sissy.

So, i lied.

Without trying to replicate the entire humiliating convo, the short story is this: i own panties and wear them because they make me feel good, warm and nice inside, they make me feel 'pretty', sexy, and... kinda girly. (All true of course.) No, i don't wanna be a  girl. (Lie.) No, i don't want to be with men. (Lie.) No, i'm not gay. (Lie.) No, i don't want to be like those 'man-ladies' she sees occasionally on TV. (Lie. Have i mentioned how prejudiced she is against gays? Like, not the extreme 'God hates...' kinda way, more like 'Ewww, i bet she likes girls', or 'Yuck, why does he have to flaunt it, put it in our faces', if she sees two men kissing or getting married or some such.)

So, i lied. Lots. (Yeah, i know - i've betrayed myself, my inner girl, and everybody like me that is dieing to come out - i feel guilty enough about it, so please don't shit on me because of it.)

And... she accepted it. She's confused, no doubt. I admitted to wearing / liking / wanting panties, but i denied EVERY logical reason, explanation, next step that she asked about. OMG - what a humiliating conversation. I stood there with my hands behind my back, head looking down, blushing hard as she quizzed me. I felt aroused and shamed and excited and relieved, and embarrassed and so much like a pitiful sissy.... it almost made the whole experience ... idk... exciting? Not in a fantasy way... more of like.... for a moment... i truly felt like a little girl, submissive to my missus, how i like to feel.... even if she is too clueless to realize, or capitalize on that.

Up side? She accepted my weirdness... and even agreed to wash them for me (as my boy does mine and his wash... so Dad's panties cant really go in my wash) so at least now they're cleaner than before when i had to sneak-hand-wash them in the shower. Now i can wear whenever i feel like. Although, she doesn't want me wearing them outside, for fear of being caught (like the 'car accident / clean undies scenario), of course... i still do.

Down side? She's really curious, and kinda, idk, accusatory? That's prolly not the correct word for what i mean. It's like, her tone of voice has some hidden accusation, some kind of condemnation behind her words. i still wear and have the same habits. It's still kinda shameful, so i don't flaunt it - old habits die hard. She will ask 'Why havent you worn you girly panties lately?' or ' Are you being girly today?' Yeah, it makes me feel uncomfortable. No more than answering tough questions from a Misstress in SL, but still... because its RL, and my missus... there's a certain amount of further humilaition.

Between my panty wearing.... and the recent changes in our sex life.... she HAS to know what i really am inside.

A dirty, kinky, cock loving, submissive, sissy slut!

Maybe, if i play stupid long enough, maybe she will think that i am in denial, and force me to accept and admit the truth. God i hope so... that would make life sooooo much easier.

Hmmm... Have lots to say....

UPDATE 09/16: Since none a y'all left me a single comment i'm not really feeling the story time tonight... so maybe in the future... 

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So.. Since this sissy is a bit tired, and unmotivated after a night of drinkin and parting... i'll leave the next posting up to you!

Tell me what you want to know about, highest tally by the end of the day wins!

1. My Wedding to my Clowny love! YAY! Bonus content: Post-Ceremony Coitus as well as pictures and circus reception fun!
2. My discussions about the nature vs nurture argument about being gay with my friend... the only RL person who knows about me..
3. Drunken cocksucking on my knees in the ABS late that night. (Bonus: Black Dick galore!)

Ok, those are the choices. I'd like to see some of your picks in the comments... perhaps an argument why you wanna know about that.... Follow-up tomorrow :)

True Sissy Confessions... Or... Overdue Training Update

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Maybe.... A Little Demonastration Is In Order?

my SL friends and family may be wondering at my recent, shall we saay...'enhanced?'... fasination with ballbusting. While this sissy has never shied away from expressing her desires for some light C&BT (cock and ball torture for those not in the know), this was usually limited to ball stretching, slapping, cock and ball binding, and maybe the occasional self-sounding.

Now i desire to be PUNCHED in the balls... HARD!

i think  it was this vid that did it...

Yeah... just watch it, trust me :P

She Took my Cummies Away From me :(

IDK if ya'll have been payin attention or not, but at the top of the page you can see a counter keeping track of times between my cummies (both gurl and boi types). Mainly.... its a way of self-reinforcement of proper sissy behavior. i quickly discovered that when i had to update my boi cummies more than the sissygasms, that i felt like i was being bad. It became easier to enforce my self denial that way.

Well.... i had gotten up to ten days with no boi cummies.. and i have recently been abusing my pussy more and more in my lust frenzy. i knew (from past experiences) that soon i would be prime for either a large hands free spurt... or i would be able to have a real good cummie as i was playing online with my beautiful clowny fiance`. (Check out my SecondLife posts for more info). i made a promise to myself.. to nicolette... Clowny gets my load... or the VERY least (if i just couldn't wait), a proper sissy self-milking.

Enter the missus.

The Problem With Sissygasms

....is the fact that while they are sooo wonderful and calming... at the moment.. the drive to be fucked never leaves. The desire to be railed until your back pussy gapes and hangs open stays with you.

i Love the clench, the shudders, the sweats, the soft moans, the grind, the heat, the pounding, the racing heart, the waves of pleasure, the girly way it makes me feel. i love everything about sissy (anal) orgasms.

Except the non-relief from my lust.

i continue and continue to fuck myself soo hard, my arm and wrists hurt. i keep chasing the boi spurts that will never come. i shudder over and over, blessed with the ability to gurlcum easily and in multiples. i Love being pounded with a thick unforgiving cock with deep strong pounding strokes as my pussy spasms hard and my cunt clenches down hard and squeezes. When it seems to fade, that's when another ride may take me back to the peak. Up then down, then back up again, over and over, till im left a quivering mess.

The only way i stop is when exhausted, to tired to fuck myself anymore, the threat of being caught, or after all the hot water in the shower is gone. And just when ive relaxed, and lowed my heart rate... what do you think... my greedy hole craves more.

i have literally done myself for multiple hours straight, and then again an hour or two later.. because i am insatiable.

Today's Self-Taught Sissy Lesson

Nair (depilatory local to the USA), CAN go bad! If you decide to cut open and use that mostly empty bottle of Nair you've been saving for months just so you can use the last few dollops..... be aware of a few things:

1. It may not be very effective anymore, leaving behind hair AND sore skin.
2. Just because it burns right away doesn't mean its working.
....and what ever you do....
3. DON'T use just any cream to relieve the burning soreness after your shower, especially not 'skin-silkening' cream... as it may have alcohol in it (as most creams do.)

silly sissy... when will you ever learn?

At least its not in a tender spot.... /sarcasm/

hehehe.. although... i have to admit.. it kinda looks like pussy lips... no?

======================================================
UPDATE:

So.. it stung all night.... was just a tad more than uncomfortable... but by this morning, 90% of the sting was gone.. ~whew~ dont know what i wouldve done if i couldnt touch for a few days, hehehe

Sissy Needs a Playmate

Are you a sissy?

Are you a sissy lover?

Are you on the East Coast USA? Philly area?

Would you like to play?

This sissy NEEDS a regular... friend. she should NOT be sucking strange dick after strange dick after strange dick and swallowing multiple strange loads. It's too dangerous.

This sissy is looking for a friend. Someone ...close. Someone to help her feel girly. Someone to appreciate her girly mind. Someone to help her shop, and dress, and maybe... assist with her makeup.

If you are a lonely Daddy looking for a regular dump... then drop me a line.

If you are a Mommy looking for a sissy to serve You... then drop me a line.

If you are a sissy gurl too and want someone to share with... maybe someone to guide... please... drop me a line.

This sissy is very submissive. This sissy desires to serve. This sissy has much to learn.

A Mommy who will laugh as She trains my pussy and owns my mouth and humiliates me is one dream. A Daddy who will use my form for His pleasure, who will treat me like the slut he knows that i am, is another dream. A sissy gurl friend i can ask questions of, who wants to share, who wants a loving sister to cuddle and have fun times with, is the dream trifecta.

i...need... to feel like a girl. To have others treat me as a girl. To be desired as a girl.

me... in my dreams

Hit the Jump for my sissy resume'

My Sissy Snack Bag

i don't know where i saw the phrase first... was somewhere on my regular blog visits.... 'sissy snack bag'. i was enthralled by the idea.

Makes my mouth water... for real.

Not sure about this... feedback desired please

**UPDATE!!**
Just in case you dont know.. if i ask for feedback.... if i ask for your opinion.. PLEASE leave me a comment.. good OR bad... i am truly desirous of YOUR opinion... YES YOU!. Tell me what you think, i really want to know.It can only take just a moment of your time. A small thing to grant me, especially if you've even enjoyed any of my postings... now is the time to give back. PLEASE, just your opinion, thats all i ask.
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Ok, so recent RL developments leave this wanna be sissy very poor.

My sissy supplies include:
1 8" realistic Dildo
1 7" failing silky vibrator
4 pair of panties (2 of which dont fit, another are ripped)
1 bra (pretty but too small)
2 pair of totally torn and running thigh high stockings
1 pair of strappy heels

i am needing more, at least another couple of pair of panties, maybe a pretty sundress, and of course, im always looking for something to fill fill my pussy in new and unique ways.

Trouble is..... without a supportive home environment, or any funds to speak of... going out shopping for these items i desire is difficult at best, and life ruining at worst. my daily perusal of various sissy websites finds many girls receiving pretty things from admirers. Sooo... now i'm torn.

i want pretty things too. i dont wanna be one of 'those' girls who just blatantly begs for stuff... but then again... if someone wants to treat me... then maybe i should make it easy for them? What do you think? If i have a wishlist available... am i being a greedy bitch? i'm not requiring anyone to buy anything.... but if my RL friends wanted too, then i would expect them to need some kind of list of my desires as well.... idk.

Bottom line.. i dont wanna give the wrong impression, i'm NOT a meterialistic girl. Truthfully? i just like to be treated girly. When i dress i am filled with joy. When i play, i feel so much like a submissive good girl, it brings me so much joy on a level that has nothing to do with sex. When strangers call me a girl, or a pretty woman (in SL), omg, can i tell you how awesome it is?!? So.. maybe.. this would be a good way of receiving those feelings. To be a girl receiving gifts from others, encouraging my self transformation, assisting me with my self realization....  it need it soo bad.

i guess... for now.... i'll post my list in the side bar... and see what kind of feed back i get. Please, positive or negative, i want to hear what you think, take a moment and tell me please? Am i being a greedy whore? Or is this acceptable for those that may have the urge?

I am very concerned with how others view me, and giving the incorrect  impression, so please, just a word or two, please tell me.

On the subject of safe play...

So.... im not stupid. i know about the dangers out there. Disease, abuse, theft, many others.... all are possibilities when you engage intimately with strangers. But what is a sissy to do? If she's closeted, and lonely, a sissy is bound to get cravings, get frenzied, and eventually, act out.

ive been there (just check here, or here). When i do... well... i dont let a little piece of rubber get in between my tongue and a cock. None of my... 'doners'... ever complained. And, i always swallow like a good girl.

At thats just retarded.

Takings chances is stupid at best, fatal at worst.

Fatal. Remember that sissies.

i do ALL the wrong things. ive even licked bare man ass hoping to get them to blow their loads. And when they eventually did.... i licked it all up and swallowed it down like a cum craved slut (which, truthfully, i was). i've even gone so far as licking the jizz off the booth windows and floors just to demonstrate my sluttiness. (Btw - surprisingly girls, this seems to turn the men off, just so you know.)

The First Cock i Lusted After

While i had been enamored with the transgender form from early on (check it here), it wasn't until years later that i found a cock that i NEEDED.

Kevin James. No... not the rotund comedic actor.... i'm reffering to adult film star Kevin James. What a monster he packs into his pants! Not only is he handsome in a boyish way, kinda reminds me of the high school quarterback... he's lean, yet muscular... and his PRICK! OMG! Sooooooo THICK! And LONG!

Kevin James and Honey Wilder.... two great tastes that i want to taste together!

Maybe its the way Ginger Lyn WORSHIPS his wonderful Fuck Stick... Wonder if its the subtle manipulation that she works on the potential lover boy? wish i could wrap a man around my finger like that, just the promise of my hole to convince him... Perhaps its Honey Wilder (his Mom in the clip... giggles) that just cant say no to his desires.... Could be the amazing background track, so perfect for this age of porn, which hunts my dreams..... No.. i know what it is... its that DICK, that specimen of delicious MAN FLESH. Such amazing BALLS, and a TALL TOWERING SHAFT CAPPED WITH A BEAUTIFUL COCK CROWN! OMG! i WANNA EAT IT! I NEED IT INSIDE ME!! I AM A GAY COCKLOVING FAGGOT FOR THAT AMAZING TOOL!

Ahem... sorry... hehe it always gets me a bit worked up.  Anyway, thanks to the wonder of the Internet... i can now share my first cock luv with all of you. i hope you LUV IT!

trying to come out is harder than it seems

An old post... from a few weeks ago... i had typed it, saved it... and... forgot about it.. maybe it was waiting for pictures.. idk.... at this point... idc

Posting it so there's somthin new on the front page.

Update at the bottom.
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"Do you want to be a girl?" She asked as She continued to stroke my firm clit in Her panties. i 'made' Her panty me earlier with the pair She had on. ("Theses are prettier than the ones the other day..." She declared as She held them open for me to step into.)

my arms around Her back, caressing Her bare bottom under the short nighty. "Mmhhmm" was all i could muster, my shame hidden with my face in Her neck. i decided to reply with action. i slipped the nighty over her arms and shoulders, and then quickly over me. Standing there in Her nighty and panties, hugging, Her hand on my VERY stiff clit, nakkie in my arms.....

"Do you want to be a girl?... for real?" She repeated.

"mhmmm" was the best i could do.

"dress me up and... fuck me?"

She smiled. "ok, is that what you want? i'll do that for you.... sometime...."

my sissy hips thrusting in Her hand, waves of sexiness washing over me, imagining Her nakkie form behind me, fucking me, as im dressed like the sissy i NEED to be. "i want to be your sissy bitch".

"you already are," She giggled, "but, you dont look good in my clothes. you're not girly. you have a mans body, you are an ugly girl.... your body... and all the hair... the wiry greys pokin out...."

i stopped myself from pointing out that i tried to broach the subject of removing my body hair a while back... and She shot me down quickly. "i know.... the hair is ugly...." is all i could whisper.

Dejected, we separated, i gave Her back Her nighty, i released Her, turned and went about my day and Her back to Her pursuits before my selfish interruption... but at least im still wearing Her panties.... three days out of four now.. and She has  known the entire time.

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Yeah well.... this is how it seems to go... she is welcoming and playful for a few days... then cold and distant for a few weeks. If i get caught during these.. cold.. times, then all hell breaks loose.. so i wear less... or... stress more. No sex lately (2 weeks?) at all...  Certainly no response that can be considered positive if i call her my Miss, or if i wanna act a little girly, effem... she acts as if shes repulsed.

Yay me.

... and now, reading back over and over... its really quite sad.

Fuck.

Sod off

So i havent posted in a while... i knows, pleaze dont me mad at me.

Its just... sometimes? i dont feel girly enough to post, or im sad, or worried, or angry, or hurt, or any number of a ton of reasons why i can't.

Sowwy. ((not really - go stuff your bum if you cant handle it))

1.Insert 2.Remove 3.Repeat

i mean? what do you want me to post? That a loved one has deteriating health? or how lonely i am? or how much i wish life was over? or maybe... nah... that still hurts too much to share. Go eff yourself. What do you want?!?!

Seems so hard lately.. idk... too many reasons to be down.

Can't have EVERY post be a debbie downer... so if im not feeling it, or i think ive been too negative... maybe... i. just. wont. post.

But then... i see your veiws again and again, after weeks with no update... and i feel guilty.

So... a post about why i havent been posting. enjoy.

Want To 'Meat' Me? hehehe....

This is scary.

I may be in Denver (or there abouts) in August i think.

It occurs to be that this may be a good opportunity to get my hole(s) used. I will be alone. You wont have to be bothered by me afterwards. If things work.. it could be a fun time for all....

Sexy or Sexual?

"mmmmmm... where's Your panties from last night? Put them on me? hehehe"

"whaa?" She cocks Her head and looks to me. Spinning and out to the hallway, She returns with the small fabric in Her hands. "These are probably too small for you...."

"Put them on me." my sissy legs in the air, stiff clit full and standing proud.

She sniffed the cotton, then held them to my nose, the soft scent of Her clean pussy barely evident. Back and forth, She would sniff and find a small source of fragrance, then place them under my nostrils, poking my nose, letting me inhale. She knows my fetish for Her musk and She enjoys it with me. She asks, "Why do you like wearing my panties so much?"

"i dunno.... they make me feel sexy i guess."

There it is. A minor slip of the tongue that i didn't catch... but She sure did.

"Sexy?...or....Sexual?" She asked with an unsure look. i realized the difference between the two, and the implications of what i actually said.... debating my replies quickly... i choose one that kept the sexy door open.

"Ummmmmm.... both, i guess" i giggled as She began slipping the blue cotton bikini's up and over my bubble butt. My hard clit bulging and lewdly displayed in the front of the tight girly undies. My eggs pulled up tight as well, as a round bulge under the clit hose... "hurt me" i requested, displaying my pantied sack.

She pouted but complied, flicking one of my eggs hard, harder, She missed, and a softer hit. She stopped. Inflicting even some soreness is not Her thing, but i like a little bit of ache sometimes.

We went about our morning, She watched me prance around dressed only in Her used undies. She walked in on my having a morning pee... i was sitting like a good girl, which - for me is not sooo unusual, but this time, when She walked in... my knees were together, clitty tucked under, panties just pulled to the knees. i was posed and pissing like a good girl. And i let Her see. Even if She didnt make the connection... im sure, somewhere inside, She will begin to see me less as a man, and more as Her little girl.

After the pee, i tucked under, but not sever... but flatter nonetheless. I made the bed and prepared my things, while wearing with no standing clit. Like a girl. She didnt complain. In fact, She left... happy?