Sunday, April 22, 2012

Depression and Grief

So... ive been debating all day about posting my feelings. i have readers now.. that i am concerned about what impression i am giving them... but then again... this blog forst and foremost is for me. A way to expose my mind to all... no matter who you are.. so.. at the risk of being disrespectful... which i really dont mean to be... i have to put this out there.....

two months ago... i was immersed in grief. and then... with the help of friends i was able to climb out of it. sure i have depression.. most of my life... with varing degrees of sadness and dis-function... but this time... its different.

Getting ahead of myself. my saddness lasted for a few weeks, but new friends, new family, new scenery... i was able to put the sadness behind me.

Now... its all back. Except this time? its not just grief. i feel... sad.. anxious... lonely... depressed... ready to scream and lash out, ready to cry and sob (which i have been doing, lots), ready to runa away and retreat.

i wanna hide
i dont wanna talk to anyone
i dont wanna be plesant and greet and give tours... i dont wanna be good
i just want company
i just want to be held
i just need to be loved
im so tired of putting on a good face
im sooo sad... and i just want someone to ruvb my head as i cry

im soo lonely.

i Miss You soo much

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